Heartbreak and the Ending of a Relationship

01/01/2014 18:48 GMT | Updated 03/03/2014 10:59 GMT

It is 2014 and you are single. The relationship you had for a year, two years maybe even 10 years has ended and you feel lonely maybe, joyful perhaps.

Do you feel at a loss, sad, heartbroken? How do you get over the pain of a bad breakup? Do you worry about the prospect of a new relationship?

You meet, you date, you fall in love, possibly get married, have children and then it ends. What do you do?

According to the Office of National Statistics 34% of marriages were expected to end in divorce in 2013 by the 20th wedding anniversary. 60% of marriages are expected to survive to the 20th anniversary and 16% of marriages reach the 60th wedding anniversary.

The average marriage is expected to last for 32 years. However chance of divorce is greatest between the fourth and eighth wedding anniversaries. Technology is helping people now who are separating.

The cause of the break-up or divorce; the girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband cheats and they try to blame you. Is it really your fault did you say to them go and cheat? No. It is not you it is them. They choose how to behave in a relationship, you choose if you accept it.

Relate, the relationship counselling service provided a case study based on one individual experience of break-up and heart break. Rachel's Story demonstrates life after divorce and heart-break.

You find out your partner of number of years, months or weeks is not right for you. When you realise this it is Christmas, your first without them. How to do you conquer the festive season single? There is also too New Year's Eve. Do you try to discover who you are again because you are so lost after being a 'twosome' for so long? Does the strike at midnight on New Year's Eve make you vow 'this year I am going to get healthy, this year I am not going to date anyone and I am never going to get my heartbroken again'. Sounds reasonable. Is it possible?

How do you mend a broken heart? There is no magical cure, just actions and words. No special book will help you. It is down to you to mend you. You can recruit friends and family. Take each day as it comes. Do the things you have not done before. Travel the world, buy a house and change jobs. Or just simply be you. Figure out who you are again, what do you enjoy doing in your spare time?

Author and creator Amelie Chance of Heal my Broken Heart, says,

"I went through a divorce which left me living in fear. I was afraid that my heart would never heal. I was afraid that each day would be more meaningless than the next. I was afraid that I would never love again. After several months, I hit rock bottom. It was then I saw a very simple choice I had to make--a choice between fear and hope".

Is it really a bad prospect of being single? You can focus on the most important person in your life. You can work on having a relationship with the one person who will always be there for you - you. You have time to do so too. You can do the things you love that you may not have done in a relationship. Focus on your goals, career and ambitions. You do not have to please anyone apart from you. You do not have to compromise and can live anywhere in the world. You can spend time with other important people in your life, your friends and family. You have freedom and can have a bad day or a good day without worrying about anyone else. Your house, flat and car is your domain. You do not have to put up with the confusion of if someone wants to be with you or not. You have control of your life and how you live it. Make memories, start a new adventure. You do not have to visit the in-laws. You have your own work schedule. You can have male and female friends. If you choose to date you can.

How do 34% of people get over a relationship ending and what if your marriage ends after the fourth or eighth wedding anniversary?

Is there a way to get over a relationship breakdown? Why not come to terms with why it ended and can you do anything about it? No, move on if yes then do it as long as it is practical, reasonable and within the law.

If you are feeling heartbroken still you can have time to heal. Do you hide away and feel sad, do you vow never ever again to be with someone for the rest of your life because the prospect of being in that much pain again hurts you even more so.

My hairdresser's brother entered 2014 single since he broke up with his girlfriend the Sunday after Christmas day in 2013. His friends rally round him. The relationship lasted for 12 years. According to my hairdresser her brother did not want to think about the relationship that he ended. The cause? Communication broke down between the couple.

So you have had a bad relationship and you meet someone new, they are nice however you are scared. You ask yourself will it go the same as the previous relationship and the one before that. Why should it? Your new partner is different. People are not all the same. You can survive a break-up and are not damaged. You can choose to be single, you can choose to date. You have the option to just be who you want to be.