THE BLOG

My Anxiety's Anxiety

30/10/2016 22:50
McMillan Digital Art via Getty Images

Anxiety and worrying has always been something that has plagued my brain. I go through phases when I'm fine and unaffected and then I go through moments when it's useful - just before stage time. But truth be told, if there was some sort of Alyssa Milano Charmed spell - I would absolutely vanquish the Demon of Anxiety's ass. (This reference may be dated but I have just been re-watching my favourite witchy show on Netflix - and I won't apologise). Lately, my anxiety has been causing me anxiety and it is a vicious circle.

One minute, you're worrying about your career, then you stub your toe on the desk and then you've switched to having anxiety about being single and 30 (stage age 23) and if real romance exists or if it's just me, a iPhone and an aubergine emoji and then you start to feel sick about not being where you thought you'd be at 30 (stage age 23) or having a job that gives you security and start panicking that you might have to give up the thing you love the most because what if one day far from now, you can't pay your rent and you end up living in your car eating dog food at the age of 30 (stage age 23) and finally you finish a paragraph, realising it has been punctuation light and no chance to stop and breathe and feel like this really reflects how your brain works.

So what do you do? As millennials, we are impatient and expect immediate results but life isn't immediate results, things don't change overnight and we have to (to quote Chezza) fight, fight, fight for (what we) love. That's why we get so long on the beautiful world and like seasons, life too can change over time.

And I for one get stuck in a bit of a loop of obsession (as I like to call it). I've had to leave nights out because I've worried that I've left the hair straighteners plugged in and turned on, they are going to burn through the carpet, set the house on fire and kill my housemate - which is clearly sane. In my gut, I know I've unplugged them, I know they are on top of the knicker drawer and I can see myself doing it and feel it in my gut but once that anxious thought has snuck in - I just can't escape it until I am home with my UNPLUGGED STRAIGHTENERS!

For everyone with anxiety, it is definitely different but I think for me there are obvious triggers. I am always worrying about what's next rather than enjoying the moment. We can't predict the future, we don't know what's going to happen but that should be EXCITING. I, for one, cannot spend the next 60/70 years (fingers crossed) worrying about what could/should be.

I would love, for example, to have my own Chelsea Lately-style irreverent chat show. But, you can't spend your whole life worrying about that. Donald Trump would probably want a bigger penis but you don't see him fretting do you? LOLZ

So what do we do - the big end to the little post. And, just to acknowledge - everyone is different but for me.... and this is a tip that my friend got from her friend Karen, who probably read The Secret or something.

Every morning I get up, I have a cup of tea with soya (dairy gives me the trots), I do the Headspace app, which I guess teaches you to take ten minutes away from your brain, I then go to the gym for 40 mins HIIT and read a chapter of a book! You essentially need an hour for this. And I do not check my phone until after all of this. Social media is not your friend first thing in the morning.

I also think balance.

I think for me anyway, it's really important because if I start to get anxiety about work it will spiral into worries on all other areas of my life.

This week, I finally think I've cracked it. I've done the performing, done the admin, had the meetings, wrote the blogs, been on a date, been dancing (drunk) with friends, chased the invoices (don't you hate chasing the invoices?), made friends with a lovely, lovely Tarot reader called Lisa from Stoke. THAT IS MY KIND OF WEEK PEOPLE! And the more that I am positive about EVERY area of my life, the less anxious I feel.

This may not resonate to any of you - but it really helped me to put all my thoughts down.

Give me a follow on Twitter: @stephencomedy

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