Every time that I've been single during summer, I have always felt like a flower in bloom. I think. I am not very good with metaphors but this my pals really seems to fit. Summer + Single = Flirtation Central.
I've been back home visiting my parents in Manchester, they are selling our family home (waaaah!) and so I've been forced to pack up my childhood bedroom. It's a strange feeling. I've found my old high school leaver's book. Some of the comments cracked me up -
Stephen, I can't believe I am writing in your leaver's book. Chris
Good luck for the future, Stuart. Love Bethany x
It's been amazing to look through some of this old stuff. I've found my old baby teeth in a jewellery box (Gross!), old seasons of Buffy and some out of date lube (clearly that summer my flirt was NOT good).
I found things from ex-boyfriends. I always think it's a good sign when you can finally look back at an old relationship with healthy eyes and think about the lessons you learnt instead of being in the fresh stages of a relationship when you are checking their Facebook status every two minutes (probably through a friend's account because they've already blocked you).
This summer of 2016 is making me feel even more flirty. You know when you are just in a good space. One of contentment. Job is going well, friends and family are great and with the family home SOLD it feels like a fresh start is on the horizon.
Yesterday, I went into Manchester to meet my friend Kay and the flirtation began as soon as the first Pinot Grigio (large, thank you) had been poured. I thought I'd made a connection with the waiter. I am always attracted to waiters and barman. I think it's because I like food and wine a lot and in my brain they are easy and quick access to it.
So I thought we were having serious eye contact. Kay, thought the same but she also thought that potentially he was eye contacting me because (and I quote) I was 'gawping' at him.
As we left, I ran out to get the Uber and she went and asked for his number. HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND THOUGH. I was dubious from the start. His trainers made me think he was straight. His quiff, tight tee and muscles made me think gay.
Slightly intoxicated, I headed off for a drink in Canal St, where I have regularly flirted with the same guy the past few times I've been in. He's a barman in one of the bars there. I went in this time and pretended I've couldn't remember him from last time (smoooooth!) and he did the same thing (chump!) then we both slipped up and normal conversation ensued.
In this situation by the way, I just go super honest I was trying to be cooler by pretending I'd forgotten you. You did the same. I think we're destined. Another Pinot Grigio if you will.
This is going to be my mission every time I'm back in Manchester this summer. It's been ages and I've got out of date lube to use. I'm seeing this as my mission. Just call me the Camp Cadet. If he reads this I will of course deny all knowledge and say I used a ghost writer.
Oh wait - even better idea, I can say that I certainly don't fancy him. I don't even like beards or eyes that make your soul melt. I prefer bouncer types. You know the ones - body of a Greek god, face of someone whose parents were brother and sister.
What is the point to this blog you ask? Very simple - sometimes flirting is FUN. It's good for the soul (and your complexion). We don't always have to be looking for The One. We can just be looking for a fun afternoon...
Stephen will be performing his new show STEPHEN BAILEY: NATION'S SWEETHEART on Tuesday 7th June, 7pm at The Backyard Comedy Club, Bethnal Green. Go to stephenbaileycomedy.co.uk for more information