Suzi Godson
Suzi Godson writes a weekly sex and relationship column for The Times newspaper and is the editor of Suzi is also the author of the award-winning The Sex Book (Cassell) which has been translated into fifteen languages. A selection of her best Times articles were published in the book ‘Sex Counsel’

Entries by Suzi Godson

10 Things You Need to Know Before You Dismiss The Institution of Marriage

(0) Comments | Posted 27 August 2015 | (00:00)

For the past year I have been conducting research into the male experience of marriage and family; events which are more usually considered from a female perspective. On Monday the 3rd of August, BBC radio 4 Woman's Hour began broadcasting my interviews with men which will continue through the month....

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10 Things You Need to Know Before You Become a Father

(2) Comments | Posted 17 August 2015 | (00:00)

For the past year I have been conducting research into the male experience of marriage and family; events which are more usually considered from a female perspective. Throughout this month, BBC Radio 4's Woman's Hour is broadcasting my interviews with men aged from twenty to eighty. The first week focussed...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Presume That the Kids Will Be All Right

(2) Comments | Posted 1 August 2015 | (00:00)

For the past year I have been conducting research into the male experience of marriage and family. On Monday the 3rd of August, the first of my interviews with men will be broadcast as part of BBC Radio 4 Woman's Hour and the series will continue throughout the month. The...

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Ten Things You Need To Know Before You Sign Up To MyFreeImplants

(0) Comments | Posted 27 July 2015 | (00:00)

1. MyFreeImplants (MFI) is the largest cosmetic surgery financing website in the world. Women sign up to the website, post a set of photos and a 'beg' bio explaining why they desperately need cosmetic enhancement and sympathetic benefactors, who are 95% male, donate money to help them achieve their goal....

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Get Pregnant if You Have Diabetes

(0) Comments | Posted 11 July 2015 | (00:00)

1. Pregnancy can be a challenge for any woman, but for women suffering from diabetes, it presents a very particular set of problems. There are two different forms of diabetes; Type 1, which is relatively rare, and Type 2 which accounts for 90% of all diabetes. Both forms of diabetes...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Have Pizza Rather Than Sex

(4) Comments | Posted 25 June 2015 | (00:00)

1. Marriage is associated with numerous health benefits, but it has one big downside. It makes us fat (Meltzer, 2013, Eng, Kawachi et al., 2005; Jeffery & Rick, 2002).

2. The Mating Market Model explains the phenomenon; prior to marriage, weight maintenance is motivated primarily by the desire to attract...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before Flibanserin Gets FDA Approval on 18 August

(1) Comments | Posted 15 June 2015 | (17:15)

1. There are 26 approved drugs licensed to treat various sexual dysfunctions for men.

2. There are, as yet, ZERO approved drugs to treat female sexual dysfunction.

3. Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) is the most common form of sexual dysfunction in women. It affects one in ten women and...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Make Females Bear the Brunt of Male Infertility

(1) Comments | Posted 13 May 2015 | (00:00)

1. Professor Chris Barratt, who is head of the reproductive medicine group at the University of Dundee and one of the world's foremost experts on male infertility estimates that infertility affects one in seven couples, and in around 50 per cent of those cases the problem lies with the male.

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Blame Your Partner For A HPV Diagnosis in Mid-Life

(1) Comments | Posted 4 May 2015 | (14:00)

1. HPV (human papilloma virus) is contracted by more than 75% of sexually active women and men at some stage during their life.

2. Most people never experience any symptoms, but as carriers, they unknowingly pass the virus on to their unsuspecting sexual partners.

3. Often,...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Use a Condom

(10) Comments | Posted 27 April 2015 | (00:00)

1. Although men frequently complain about decreased sensitivity with condoms, a 2013 study found no difference in satisfaction ratings between men who wore condoms and those who didn't. The study, which was published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, also found no significant differences in men's ability to have erections...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Marginalise Paedophiles

(14) Comments | Posted 20 April 2015 | (00:00)

1. Two years ago, five year old April Jones was snatched whilst playing outside her home in Machynlleth, mid Wales. Paedophile Mark Bridger was subsequently sentenced to a whole life term for her abduction and murder. Last week, April's father Paul Jones, said that paedophiles who seek help before they...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Joke About Masturbation

(18) Comments | Posted 20 March 2015 | (23:00)

1. Despite scientific consensus that masturbation is normal, safe and healthy, it is rarely, if ever, alluded to in sex education. Research shows that young people view masturbation as "taboo", "dirty", "a cause of embarrassment", "a joke" and a "substitute for proper sex" (Watson & McKee, 2013)

2. Supporting positive...

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10 Things You Need to Know Before You Feel Threatened By Your Partner Masturbating

(17) Comments | Posted 15 March 2015 | (23:00)

1. Some people feel very threatened by the idea that their partner feels the need to seek solo sexual satisfaction within a relationship. After all, if they can have sex why do they need to masturbate? This argument ignores the obvious truth that sex and masturbation are completely different experiences....

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10 Things You Need To Know Before You Use Legal Solutions To Solve Emotional Problems

(0) Comments | Posted 5 March 2015 | (23:00)

1. The family law body 'Resolution' recently released a 'Manifesto for Family Law' which sets out their views on what the next government should do to improve the divorce process in England and Wales.

2. At present, unless couples have been living apart for two years,...

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10 Things You Need to Know Before You Become a 'Silver-Splitter'

(0) Comments | Posted 20 February 2015 | (23:00)

1. In 2012, the number of people in the UK aged 60+ who filed for divorce was 3% higher than it was in 2011, and 45% higher than it was in 2002.

2. In the US, one out of every four people experiencing divorce is over 50 and 55% of...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You See the 'Fifty Shades' Movie

(4) Comments | Posted 13 February 2015 | (23:00)

1.The Fifty Shades phenomenon has prompted a flurry of psychological research.

2. Two years after the book's publication Professor Amy Bonomi at Michigan State University carried out a study which suggested that young adult women who read the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy were more likely to exhibit signs...

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10 Things You Need to Know Before You Have Middle Aged Sex With a New Partner

(0) Comments | Posted 4 February 2015 | (23:00)

1. The good news is that a 2012 study of 806 women between the ages of 40 and 100, conducted by Professor Elizabeth Barrett-Connor at the University of California found that half the participants were still sexually active, able to become aroused, maintain lubrication and achieve orgasm during sex, even...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Don't Go Down on a Woman

(18) Comments | Posted 22 January 2015 | (15:49)

1. In a recent vlog for her YouTube series Lesbians Explain, Arielle Scarcella revealed that 55 percent of of her straight female viewers preferred penetration to oral sex. In contrast, 75% of her lesbian audience preferred oral sex to penetration.

2. That difference wouldn't matter if there wasn't such a significant difference between the number of women who orgasm from penetration and the number of women who orgasm from cunnilingus. When sociologist Elizabeth Armstrong analyzed quantitative data on the likelihood of orgasm among 15,000 heterosexual college students she found that just 15% of women had an orgasm during penetrative sex with a new sexual partner. In contrast, 63% of women who experienced oral sex, self stimulation and penetrative sex during a first sexual encounter achieved orgasm.

3. The heterosexual women that Scarcella interviewed explained that oral sex required a greater level of vulnerability and they felt more comfortable giving, rather than receiving sexual pleasure. Scarcella concluded that straight women need to have more self confidence and more body confidence.

4. Female assertiveness and cunnlingus have an ancient history. In 1998, the French writer and professor Theirry Leguay wrote a history of fellatio (L'Histoire Raisonnee de la Fellation) in which he describes how the Chinese Empress Wu Hu who reigned during the T'ang Dynasty from 690 to 705 A.D used her position to decree that all visiting dignitaries pay their respects by performing cunnilingus on her.

5. More recently, a study by Laina Y. Bay-Cheng and Nicole M. Fava which was published in The Journal Of Sex Research (2011) examined young women's experiences and perceptions of cunnilingus during adolescence. They found that the only attitude of consequence when it came to how frequently a woman engaged in cunnilingus during adolescence was, yep, you guessed it, sexual assertiveness. The young women were also confident that their male partners enjoyed performing oral sex.

6. Bay-Cheng and Fava concluded that their findings cohere with a minority, but mounting view, that adolescent sexual experimentation and experience - when accompanied by accurate knowledge, mutual consent, and health precautions - is developmentally normative (Fortenberry, 2003; Steinberg, 2007) and can promote sexual well-being (Horne & ZimmerGembeck, 2005; Muise, Preyde, Maitland, & Milhausen, 2010; Rostosky, Dekhtyar, Cupp, & Anderman, 2008). Basically, women who are confident enough to ask for oral and who do so in the belief that their partner will enjoy the experience just as much as they do, are behaving in a normal, healthy way. Good to know.

7. So, what makes a good cunnilingual experience? Firstly, as Scarcella points out, women need to be confident enough to communicate what they want. They also need to feel relaxed, because anxiety and orgasm are mutually exclusive. Some women find it easier to let go if you blindfold them before you go down.

8. Good cunnilingus should be wet, but oral sex is not safe sex, so if you are with a new partner, or you haven't had a mutual sexual health check, femidoms, dental dams or clingfilm should be used to prevent the potential transmission of infection. Use lubricant between the barrier method and your partner's genitals and keep a glass of water handy for yourself.

9. The tongue is the ideal sex toy because it can provide so many different pressures and textures, simply by altering pace and flex. When it is limp and flat, it is soft and sloppy. When it is rigid it can be used to probe the vagina. The entire vulva and clitoris can be lightly sucked, or rapid flicks can be delivered slightly below the clitoris. Because the clitoris is so incredibly sensitive too much rubbing can be painful so pay as much, if not more attention, to the surrounding areas. Simultaneous stroking of the inner thigh, the bottom or tweaking of the nipples can dramatically magnify the sensations.

10. Women don't always have to have an orgasm when you go down on them, but bringing a partner to climax with your tongue is a very rewarding experience. Because women take longer to get aroused and reach orgasm, consistency is the key to a successful outcome. Men often lose their erections whilst giving oral sex and women who are anxious may interpret this as a sign that a partner is turned off, so make it absolutely clear that there is no time limit and you are getting as much pleasure from the experience as she is. Then keep going until she has an...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Buy a Designer Vagina

(4) Comments | Posted 19 January 2015 | (23:00)

1. The idea of individual choice underpins the ethical acceptability of all cosmetic surgery. Women who feel embarrassed about the size and shape of their genitals have a right to be able to change them if they so desire, but what happens if individual choice is being shaped by outside...

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10 Things You Need to Know Before You Estimate The UK Sex Industry's Contribution to Gross Domestic Product

(1) Comments | Posted 6 January 2015 | (23:00)

1. In 2012 the UK's Office for National Statistics (ONS) estimated that sex workers contributed £5.7billion to the economy. This calculation was produced in response to an EU demand that 'prostitution and illegal drugs' should be counted as part of a country's gross domestic product.

2. The ONS estimates...

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