Suzi Godson
Suzi Godson writes a weekly sex and relationship column for The Times newspaper and is the editor of Suzi is also the author of the award-winning The Sex Book (Cassell) which has been translated into fifteen languages. A selection of her best Times articles were published in the book ‘Sex Counsel’

Entries by Suzi Godson

Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Joke About Masturbation

(18) Comments | Posted 20 March 2015 | (23:00)

1. Despite scientific consensus that masturbation is normal, safe and healthy, it is rarely, if ever, alluded to in sex education. Research shows that young people view masturbation as "taboo", "dirty", "a cause of embarrassment", "a joke" and a "substitute for proper sex" (Watson & McKee, 2013)

2. Supporting positive...

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10 Things You Need to Know Before You Feel Threatened By Your Partner Masturbating

(17) Comments | Posted 15 March 2015 | (23:00)

1. Some people feel very threatened by the idea that their partner feels the need to seek solo sexual satisfaction within a relationship. After all, if they can have sex why do they need to masturbate? This argument ignores the obvious truth that sex and masturbation are completely different experiences....

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10 Things You Need To Know Before You Use Legal Solutions To Solve Emotional Problems

(0) Comments | Posted 5 March 2015 | (23:00)

1. The family law body 'Resolution' recently released a 'Manifesto for Family Law' which sets out their views on what the next government should do to improve the divorce process in England and Wales.

2. At present, unless couples have been living apart for two years,...

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10 Things You Need to Know Before You Become a 'Silver-Splitter'

(0) Comments | Posted 20 February 2015 | (23:00)

1. In 2012, the number of people in the UK aged 60+ who filed for divorce was 3% higher than it was in 2011, and 45% higher than it was in 2002.

2. In the US, one out of every four people experiencing divorce is over 50 and 55% of...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You See the 'Fifty Shades' Movie

(4) Comments | Posted 13 February 2015 | (23:00)

1.The Fifty Shades phenomenon has prompted a flurry of psychological research.

2. Two years after the book's publication Professor Amy Bonomi at Michigan State University carried out a study which suggested that young adult women who read the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy were more likely to exhibit signs...

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10 Things You Need to Know Before You Have Middle Aged Sex With a New Partner

(0) Comments | Posted 4 February 2015 | (23:00)

1. The good news is that a 2012 study of 806 women between the ages of 40 and 100, conducted by Professor Elizabeth Barrett-Connor at the University of California found that half the participants were still sexually active, able to become aroused, maintain lubrication and achieve orgasm during sex, even...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Don't Go Down on a Woman

(18) Comments | Posted 22 January 2015 | (15:49)

1. In a recent vlog for her YouTube series Lesbians Explain, Arielle Scarcella revealed that 55 percent of of her straight female viewers preferred penetration to oral sex. In contrast, 75% of her lesbian audience preferred oral sex to penetration.

2. That difference wouldn't matter if there wasn't such a significant difference between the number of women who orgasm from penetration and the number of women who orgasm from cunnilingus. When sociologist Elizabeth Armstrong analyzed quantitative data on the likelihood of orgasm among 15,000 heterosexual college students she found that just 15% of women had an orgasm during penetrative sex with a new sexual partner. In contrast, 63% of women who experienced oral sex, self stimulation and penetrative sex during a first sexual encounter achieved orgasm.

3. The heterosexual women that Scarcella interviewed explained that oral sex required a greater level of vulnerability and they felt more comfortable giving, rather than receiving sexual pleasure. Scarcella concluded that straight women need to have more self confidence and more body confidence.

4. Female assertiveness and cunnlingus have an ancient history. In 1998, the French writer and professor Theirry Leguay wrote a history of fellatio (L'Histoire Raisonnee de la Fellation) in which he describes how the Chinese Empress Wu Hu who reigned during the T'ang Dynasty from 690 to 705 A.D used her position to decree that all visiting dignitaries pay their respects by performing cunnilingus on her.

5. More recently, a study by Laina Y. Bay-Cheng and Nicole M. Fava which was published in The Journal Of Sex Research (2011) examined young women's experiences and perceptions of cunnilingus during adolescence. They found that the only attitude of consequence when it came to how frequently a woman engaged in cunnilingus during adolescence was, yep, you guessed it, sexual assertiveness. The young women were also confident that their male partners enjoyed performing oral sex.

6. Bay-Cheng and Fava concluded that their findings cohere with a minority, but mounting view, that adolescent sexual experimentation and experience - when accompanied by accurate knowledge, mutual consent, and health precautions - is developmentally normative (Fortenberry, 2003; Steinberg, 2007) and can promote sexual well-being (Horne & ZimmerGembeck, 2005; Muise, Preyde, Maitland, & Milhausen, 2010; Rostosky, Dekhtyar, Cupp, & Anderman, 2008). Basically, women who are confident enough to ask for oral and who do so in the belief that their partner will enjoy the experience just as much as they do, are behaving in a normal, healthy way. Good to know.

7. So, what makes a good cunnilingual experience? Firstly, as Scarcella points out, women need to be confident enough to communicate what they want. They also need to feel relaxed, because anxiety and orgasm are mutually exclusive. Some women find it easier to let go if you blindfold them before you go down.

8. Good cunnilingus should be wet, but oral sex is not safe sex, so if you are with a new partner, or you haven't had a mutual sexual health check, femidoms, dental dams or clingfilm should be used to prevent the potential transmission of infection. Use lubricant between the barrier method and your partner's genitals and keep a glass of water handy for yourself.

9. The tongue is the ideal sex toy because it can provide so many different pressures and textures, simply by altering pace and flex. When it is limp and flat, it is soft and sloppy. When it is rigid it can be used to probe the vagina. The entire vulva and clitoris can be lightly sucked, or rapid flicks can be delivered slightly below the clitoris. Because the clitoris is so incredibly sensitive too much rubbing can be painful so pay as much, if not more attention, to the surrounding areas. Simultaneous stroking of the inner thigh, the bottom or tweaking of the nipples can dramatically magnify the sensations.

10. Women don't always have to have an orgasm when you go down on them, but bringing a partner to climax with your tongue is a very rewarding experience. Because women take longer to get aroused and reach orgasm, consistency is the key to a successful outcome. Men often lose their erections whilst giving oral sex and women who are anxious may interpret this as a sign that a partner is turned off, so make it absolutely clear that there is no time limit and you are getting as much pleasure from the experience as she is. Then keep going until she has an...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Buy a Designer Vagina

(4) Comments | Posted 19 January 2015 | (23:00)

1. The idea of individual choice underpins the ethical acceptability of all cosmetic surgery. Women who feel embarrassed about the size and shape of their genitals have a right to be able to change them if they so desire, but what happens if individual choice is being shaped by outside...

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10 Things You Need to Know Before You Estimate The UK Sex Industry's Contribution to Gross Domestic Product

(1) Comments | Posted 6 January 2015 | (23:00)

1. In 2012 the UK's Office for National Statistics (ONS) estimated that sex workers contributed £5.7billion to the economy. This calculation was produced in response to an EU demand that 'prostitution and illegal drugs' should be counted as part of a country's gross domestic product.

2. The ONS estimates...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Censor Porn

(22) Comments | Posted 14 December 2014 | (23:00)

1. On December 1, Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014 were introduced to subject British made online porn to the same restrictions as R18 material sold in licensed sex shops.

2. This means that some sex acts have now been banned, but only from films that are produced and sold...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Persuade Her to Watch Porn

(6) Comments | Posted 5 December 2014 | (23:00)

1. Don't bullshit. The vast majority of porn is made by men, for men, so don't try and persuade her with spurious arguments about women 'choosing' to work in the industry. Porn is rarely a choice that educated, or wealthy women make, and it is not an industry that you...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Tell an Asexual Woman She Hasn't Met the Right Person Yet

(10) Comments | Posted 28 November 2014 | (23:00)

1. Because they challenge the assumption that sex is a biological necessity, asexuals frequently encounter people who try to persuade them that they just haven't met the right person, or are secretly gay, or that they would like sex if they just tried it.

2. But people who are asexual...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Belittle School Sex Education

(1) Comments | Posted 21 November 2014 | (23:00)

This week, Yusuf Patel, founder of 'SRE Islamic' warned MPs at the Commons Education Select Committee that sex and relationships education (SRE) should not be taught to schoolchildren. The reasons he gave were, and I quote, "when research has been done with child abusers a lot of the time they...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Think 'Affairs? So What?'

(3) Comments | Posted 12 November 2014 | (23:00)

The journalist India Knight has been busy plugging her new book In Her Prime: Older, Wiser, Happier. It's full of Knight's expert advice on pressing issues such as 'using blusher' or the 'rule' for eye shadows and liners - something involving the colour wheel apparently. All harmless enough, until she...

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10 Things You Need to Know Before You Get Your Knickers in a Knot About Underage Sex

(9) Comments | Posted 7 November 2014 | (23:00)

1. This week, Sarah Carter of the Family Education Trust caused a media storm when she told the Commons Education Select Committee that guidance from sexual health and advice service 'Brook' suggests that sex between 13-year-olds is normal. She was referring to the "Traffic Light Tool" a guide...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before Wine O' Clock

(4) Comments | Posted 25 October 2014 | (00:00)

1. Alcohol is one of the few legal vices left to the middle aged, but our relationship with it is conflicted. In our youth we went out and got drunk at the weekends but we couldn't afford to do it every night of the week. Now, going out is too...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before You Argue About Money

(1) Comments | Posted 12 October 2014 | (12:23)

1. Arguments about money are the top predictor of divorce (Dew, Britt, & Huston, 2012). Couples who disagree about finance once a week are over 30% more likely to get divorced than couples who disagree about finances a few times a month (Dew, 2009).

2. Sometimes couples argue about money...

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Ten Things You Need to Know Before World Heart Day

(1) Comments | Posted 27 September 2014 | (00:00)

Monday, the 29 September, is World Heart Day. This year the focus of the World Heart Federation's campaign is prevention and the emphasis is on finding easy ways to incorporate exercise into daily life. They advocate walking to work, taking the stairs - all the usual stuff - but what...

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10 Things You Need to Know Before You Do 'Girl on Girl'

(5) Comments | Posted 10 September 2014 | (11:16)

1. When Katie Perry released her hit single "I kissed a girl" in 2008, a Cosmopolitan magazine poll reported that 54% of women between the ages of 18 and 24 had done the same thing. In 2011, further probing research by the same magazine into "How He'd React If You...

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10 Things You Neeed to Know Before You Take Natural Remedies to Improve Sexual Function

(3) Comments | Posted 21 August 2014 | (16:17)

1. Although the internet is awash with promotions for natural sex remedies such as Avena Sativa, Damiana, Ginseng, Ginkgo Biloba, Maca, Muira Puama, or Zinc, there is no credible scientific evidence to show that any of them improve libido, or sexual function. More importantly, they can be dangerous if you...

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