I want to give you the impression that s****ing in a bag is a messy and undignified business, that somehow on first attempt I got it wrong, and sheepishly headed for the laundry. But it was annoyingly easy and hygienic.
When I first heard that I was going to Helmand, well I was thrilled. Mayonnaise is my favourite condiment by a country mile, and to be spending two weeks at the home of Mayonnaise was a career high. And then I realised that I was going to Helmand, not Hellman as I had thought and I was crestfallen.