The latest series of Made In Chelsea is upon us and I once again feel queasy, can someone pass the bucket? Why do we always insist on celebrating excess? It is absolutely beyond me why so many watch this glorified tripe. It is quite literally the television equivalent of manure.

He's conquered the world of TV, but is Simon Cowell ready for a change of direction as he fronts a campaign for better healthcare? It could be the most unlikely career turn around than the Terminator Arnold Schwarzenegger becoming Governor of LA.

The talent show derives its sense of fairness by appropriating the apparatus of democracy. We vote for our favourite singer (or at least the one with the most sympathetic cancer-related anecdote) and they are duly elevated to the plutocratic realm of celebrity, however transitory their tenure.

If the first series of The Voice on BBC1 was an actual voice it would have probably begun in a rich persuasive baritone before spluttering out into the consumptive wheeze of a Victorian whelp pleading for more alms.

The show has taken a critical beating over its token treatment of socio-political issues. Such complaints are wrongly based on a model of Mad Men as a broad cultural statement - The Wire for the WASP.

For any self-respecting Irish person in London - or for any Londoner of Irish decent - this new series could be portrayed as being representative of them, and they may not like what they're about to see.

Sadly I never got to work for the BBC in Television Centre but I was lucky enough to have entered the building in various different guises; actor, interviewer, blogger and fan and receive that all important temporary BBC Pass.

With the Season 2 finale airing on Sky Atlantic this week, HBO's GIRLS' sophomore season ended on a real high. The final episode (spoiler alert if you are yet to watch) brought it back to basics - the episode was filled with lots of the characters, real charm and effortless Brooklyn style.

Like Arrested Development, the gag of Girls is that characters of stature have the heads of children (note the title: by any common-sense metric the protagonists are 'women'). Hannah is archetypal; her inner child so vocal it has long put her outer adult out of business.

This week Tina Fey said "No Way" to hosting the Oscars and taking the torch from Seth Macfarlane - a man committed to failing upwards in life. It's an announcement that disappointed many who had asked, "Why can't Tina Fey and Amy Poehler just host everything?"

For the benefit of those without children or cable, here's a quick primer on what the kids are watching these days. (Kids under three years old, I mean. Not teenage 'kids'. I genuinely have no idea what they're doing. Just planking and sexting each other, as best I can tell.)

Utopia was undoubtedly a show created with the best intentions, and despite the critiques I've just listed, it still rests high above the majority of the trash on TV in the quality stakes. When the plot was finally revealed, the show took a sharp turn for the better, it's just a shame this was only in the last two episodes.

RIP the Monday night blues, as television schedules have been bursting with starry brilliance over the past weeks, unfortunately leaving the rest of the week's television rather bland.