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Teral Atilan

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How Honest Are We Really?

Posted: 21/02/2013 21:06

"Nothing in this world is harder than speaking the truth, nothing easier than flattery." ― Fyodor Dostoevsky

Is it just me or does everyone else have a hard time telling the truth to a stranger? I'm not talking about being a compulsive liar but when they ask for your opinion in the changing rooms I always find myself telling them that they look "gorgeous" and that the dress they're trying on is "totally flattering." We fear that we will hurt their feelings or break them down but why?

I don't know about you but when it comes to my friends, I am brutally honest. Hand on my heart, if I see my close friends and family wearing something that makes them look hideous, I tell them, and I expect the same from them. But there is a fine line between telling them the truth and being plain old rude.

You have to find this balance, and that is fundamental in a friendship.

"I suppose it becomes bullying when it becomes natural to be horrible to someone, when you don't even realize what you're saying is hurting someone's feeling," says Jeyda Sitki, 21.

As Dostoevsky says it's easy to flatter someone, and their quick to accept it, but women can't accept the truth. It's just like the saying "love is blind." We all choose to see and hear what we want to, and we ignore any negativity that will bring us down.

It's ok to tell a friend that what they're wearing makes them look fat, unflatters them in the most significant way and that their eyeliner is wonky, but its not ok to say that they look fat whatever they wear, that their eyes are wonky regardless how much eyeliner they put on and that their hair tied up makes them look dreadful.

We cannot go around thinking that the "I'm not being rude, I'm just being honest" attitude will get us out of every situation; we must take peoples feelings and emotions into consideration.

Whatever the truth is you must rectify it honestly and respectfully, considering that the receiver (mainly females) may turn around and cry their eyes out. We are sensitive souls at the end of the day.

It is easy to be honest with friends than with a stranger, as friends supposedly will not judge you, and usually understand where you are coming from. If a friend's friend you've just met asked you if their ass looked big, and you replied yes, it would not be well received. You'll be that friend no one likes, no ones asks advice from, and the one that makes situations really awkward.

I have always been someone who can't lie, even if I try to, I stumble up and spill the truth. I can keep a secret, but lying is somewhat difficult for me. So when a friend asks if I like the colour they've dyed their hair, and it's a torturous copper colour, I do what a good friend would do and say I really don't like it but it looks good on you, if you tie your hair up... It's difficult to be honest and nice, but trying to find a way around it is easy.

"Everyone's personality is different, if you know your friends well enough you will know how to judge how far you can go with your honesty before they begin to get offended. However some people would just rather not hear the truth and you have to respect that," says Sophia Roberts, 24.

There is a very thin line between being a bully and honest. Bullying is malicious, whereas honesty, generally speaking, is something you do to help, advise and support someone.

It seems as though it's a lot easier for guys to be honest with their friends than women. Us women take feelings and emotions into too much consideration and don't want to upset our friends, where as guys, don't really care. If they think you look like an idiot, they will tell each other, and they will just laugh it off.

Honesty and having a sense of humor go hand in hand. In order to accept the truth, the easiest thing to do is to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously.

With guys, their honesty turns into banter. Guys enjoy banter, because it's their way of being honest and 'cussing' each other and the other partner does not get offended.

I think honesty with friends should be the same as honesty with your family. Before my brother goes out, he comes in to my room and asks me "do I look ok?" I could be polite and say that the pale blue shirt looks great with his green vans and let him leave the house, or I can tell him to go change his shoes before I laugh at him, and that way he goes out looking good and I've done my sisterly duty.

So with your friends you should be the same. Generally speaking, I think when it comes to relationships, girls give their honest opinions, "that guy is scum," " you can do so much better," or " he doesn't deserve you," but when it comes to dress, and styling, we feel the need to be kind and not hurt their feelings, and allow others to laugh at them. It really doesn't make sense to me.

So the next time you and your girlfriends are getting ready and you don't like what they're wearing, why don't you try to tell them in the nicest way possible that their jeans are too tight and you can see their muffin tops rolling out, or in fact their dress IS too short and they need to change because everyone can see their lady garden.

As a famous quote goes, "Friends are honest with each other. Even if the truth hurts. -Maggie" ― Sarah Dessen, Along for the Ride

 

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