The Guyliner

If there's one thing you learn when you're looking for Mr Right, it's that there's a whole slew of Mr Wrongs just itching to get in your way. It's like being in a computer game: you have to despatch bad guy after bad guy in order to get to the...

This is the final part of a two-part post. Read Part One first, if you like

Second chances don't come along every day and you never get another opportunity to make a first impression. It is these clichés which reverberate as I make my way to this date,...

You need a thick skin to be an internet dater. Your popularity can wax and wane like a winner of a TV talent show, and while there may be weeks where suitors are banging down your inbox, there are others when the only emails you'll get are from the dating...

I've been on more than a few dates in the two years or so I've been single. Some have been disastrous, many have been delightful, but they have all had one common denominator. Each of them, without exception, has involved alcohol. Even the dates with the best of intentions, which...

There is a time, I imagine, in the lives of most gay people when they wish, if only for a moment, that they weren't gay. Perhaps it comes when they want to kiss their other half without fear of reproachful look or, worse, a boot to the head. Maybe the...

So you've done the easy bit. You've arranged the date, spruced yourself up, shown up on time and, with a bit of luck, you're in the right place. Now all you have to do is fill the next three or four hours or so. If you're in a pub and...

Dating can be a very solitary experience, despite the fact that you're meeting up with another person. Travelling to the date you are alone in your thoughts, every possible scenario whirring around in your head, and nine times out of ten, you end up going home by yourself - okay,...

We all do it from time to time, don't we? Say one thing and mean another? "Oh the only reason I didn't invite you was because I thought you wouldn't know anyone" really means "I don't want you to come", and "I'll always love you means "I'll love you until...

So you've done the hard bit, right? Whether you've picked someone up in a bar or your eyes have met over an internet cable on an online dating site, you have managed to successfully woo someone into going on a date with you. Now, all you have to do is...

One can spend what seems like a lifetime wading through the deep and meaningful in search of love, or whatever your approximation of that is. As I have learned with the majority of my pre-date wooing, sometimes the build-up isn't worth the final result.

You've spent all that time...

The dating arena is second only to its Roman gladiatorial cousin when it comes to viciousness. But rather than fleeing knife-wielding savages, daters find themselves fighting off the advances of unwelcome, pot-bellied irritants or, more commonly, trying their best to seem attractive to those who probably wouldn't urinate on them...

It's June 2011. As the season speeds up its ascent to brain-burning midsummer, I find myself making the age-old mistake of spreading myself too thinly. Just like the summer before, I am saying "yes" when I should be saying "no". The drinks and the dates begin to meld into one,...

It's that time of the year when everything turns pink. Shop windows are festooned with flowers and love hearts become ubiquitous. Railing against Valentine's Day has become as much of a cliché as queuing up to buy a bunch of half-dead flowers and booking a table in a crowded restaurant,...

Nature, nurture, choice, whatever. The world seems obsessed with what makes the gays gay. The hot potato of how homosexuals came to be is passed around from soapbox to soapbox until it becomes decidedly mashed, becoming kind of difficult to tell it was ever a potato to begin with. I...

Wow, that went well. You're positively glowing, aren't you? A first date has never played out so smoothly; absolutely nothing went wrong. An ideal venue, nary a break in the conversation, plus a bright smile and a promise to do it again at the very end. And then a cherry...

You're in a half-empty pub. Perhaps you're waiting for a date, but more likely you are idling away the hours alone with some much-needed human company before going back to the stark solitude of the dungeon walls which hold up the roof on your supposed bachelor pad. Out of the...

Winter. Brrrr. Mulled wine and Christmas shopping, festive drinks, tinsel and coupledom. I'm not really thinking about what the festive period is going to be like without a significant other - it's best not to - but I am wary of starting something at this time of year. Being alone...

Birthdays. Like Christmas, they come but once a year. They break up the calendar a little, and give you something to look forward to, right? You have drinks, catch up with old friends, overload your pals' Facebook news feeds with ever-changing event invitations. Presents are bought and you're showered with...

Being a Yorkshireman, and knowing what a pain in the arse they (i.e. I) can be, I tend to stay away from them as potential dates. The familiar accent and anecdotes about growing up in the north don't particularly interest me.

Why go all the way to China and...

The year is 2001. I am in a bar, talking to a gay man. He might be trying to pick me up; I can't tell. He takes another sip of his almost-drained drink and looks me up and down. "How old are you?" he asks, with a mouthful of beery...