theweemo

"It's the X Factor's biggest talking point!" The Daily Mail newspaper assures us between endless stories of other big X Factor talking points and tweetpics of No-listers and their recent weight-loss, waving into a mirror wearing a bikini during a Nuts magazine photo-shoot.

What, pray, could it be, Huffreaders? That...

In fact, it's been a guilt-riddled week so far for theweemo. She located a peanut of questionable vintage in the folds of the scarf she was wearing and ate it. She danced to Rancid at a '90s night - at which she comprised 89% of the dance-floor. She...

Everyone's second-favourite shrieking Diva (after Johnny Robinson), Mariah Carey has been off theweemo's radar since about 1999. Even then, she popped on only briefly following an incident on Stoke Newington High street, during which from the top deck of a bus theweemo watched as a tramp approached a promotional billboard...

Just when you thought Simon Cowell had bought up the remaining bags of human feeling and poked them cackling into the furnace which fuels his gigantic trouser press, the executive director of marketing for Marks and Spencer pops up with this depressing soundbite:

Our TV campaigns...for many mark...

Shocking news emerged this week, people. And not the news that errant Tory political philosopher, Philip Blond, paid £165 of 'borrowed' think-tank money for The Stratosphere's Ugliest Chair. Granted, that news was pretty shocking. 100% taste-free, fully upholstered in fabric sporting a scantily-clad-chicks-on-motorbikes print. Monstrous. Even Lemmy would...

To be fair, very little will achieve the miracle of marital reunification once you've set your groinal compass to south and hitched a disappointingly predictable ride to Cheatsville. '"Hot tub-worthy", early-twenties blonde, with a fondness for threesomes and bikini tops required to help celebrate sixth wedding anniversary!' Even a Premiership...

For many of us - especially perhaps Liam Fox this week - escapism is everything. From boredom. From endless Loose Women. From feelings of being as vastly unfulfilled as a Little Chef chef. Anything that escorts us from real-life into a world of excellent hats, special Socialist soup tureens for...