I won't lie. I was starting to give up on humanity. I was feeling generally miserable about recent reports of record amounts of melting ice in the Arctic, Mitt Romney's eternally moronic campaign in the US and our current situation of ever rising economic destruction and damning of human rights by the Coalition. Then on top of that I saw the trailer for Keith Lemon the Movie and almost bought as many CFC sprays as possible to liberally fill the skies in an attempt to speed it all up. Then last night happened. Last night, the entire Paralympics athletics stadium crowd booed George Osborne during a ceremony that will have been seen not only all over the UK but around the world. Wasn't it the most joyous thing ever? A union of the nation, a big society if you will, all joining together in incredible harmony. It was as though they were at the biggest pantomime of all time faced with the most evil of all villains. I didn't see it live as I was at a gig at the Comedy Store where I was talking about Grant Shapps incredible lack of solving homelessness. His repeated efforts to curb it by doing things like making less and less affordable housing, because, as we all know, most homeless people are only on the streets because they can't find that chalet they really want. During this rant a woman did what I thought was a heckle. Poised to deal with it, she repeated that she'd actually said 'fucking Tories.' I thought that was a really good moment of my day. But then I checked Twitter, saw that the entire Paralympics athletic stadium had finally told the official representative of the V race that they are fed up of him. I drove home quicker than legal, watched it on C4+1 and then made a youtube playlist of the video 20 times over so that I could revel in it again and again. I may well add more so I can just sit and watch it for days.
I'm not normally like this. I don't think I've ever wished for anyone to have what must be the most crushing reception possible. I mean I've done bad gigs. I know how it feels when an audience is displeased. I've been booed, I've had a man try to punch me in the face, I've been told to get off or I'll be cut in the throat. Yes, really. But those were nearly all by really horrible people. Who probably can't wait to see Keith Lemon The Movie. Thing is, out of 80,000 people, odds are, at least some of them are nice. Probably loads. Loads and loads. They were all in a good mood too. Watching the Paralympics, all excited. Take in the fact that many of them were probably British and therefore usually unlikely to boo at a goose. They would probably be the sort of people who have trouble saying the full name of 'Betty Boo' or describing how ghosts sound. That kind of reserved type. Yet tonight this audience proved that they are so sick of a government who are punishing disabled people while pretending to praise those athletes with impairments taking part in the event they are currently hiding behind. Osborne is much worse than a goose, and geese are pretty shitty. One once ate all the bread that I wanted to give to ducks and I know someone who got bitten by a goose. It made them cry. But Osborne is worse than that. He's a man who has consistently blamed the last government, the Eurozone, the weather, the Jubilee, the public, the sunshine, the moonlight and the boogie for the state of the economy. A man who has helped the Coalition borrow what will be more in five years than the last government did in 13. I'm sure he'll find a way to explain that its Gordon Brown's fault for not buying himself enough nice things. All this, while bringing in cuts that affect the most vulnerable in society. So, quite the achievement in failing.
His reaction to the booing is amazing. Personally, given his track record, I'd have thought he'd u-turn and head back. But instead he laughs. He could have been laughing because he's like a Sith Lord who uses hate to only grow more powerful. But while that is probably, possibly true and the only real plausible explanation it also maybe, really, actually likely that he was in shock. I've been there. Don't worry, I'm not empathising with him. That'd be like saying I could see why Scar felt he had to push Mufasa off that cliff. But there are times when you are so unprepared for the response that you can only laugh. Then later, you go home, it all sinks in and it really hurts. I don't think he was prepared. How often does Gideon come face to face with those whose lives he has ruined? Probably quite rarely. He's heard about them of course. Those benefit cheats that are always on the TV dodging tax like they dodge bullets in the Matrix. Those work shy people who are too stupid and poor to put money offshore like all his chums who clearly love the country. Sure he's heard that seven out of eight people are on benefits are in work and still struggling to get by, but that's probably something someone Labour or y'know, who cares, would say. In reality he's sure that everyone outside Parliament just sits around wondering how to make the groove in their sofa deeper while stealing his money. His precious inherited money. Tonight, those people, the real actual people, were all in the crowd and all told him exactly what they thought. And they thought he was far far worse than a goose.
We Brits don't respond to anything lightly and the Olympics and Paralympics have rippled emotion through us to the extent that would make Italians feel frigid. Joy at Team GB actually winning, empathy for those that tried and maybe didn't achieve what they'd hoped, and tears when Trevor Nelson did any commentary. Tonight it seems that finally we've been pushed to a point where we're so fed up of the Coalition's constant oppression of anyone and everyone they can, that the Paralympics audience were able to vocalise that too. That takes quite something to do such a thing. Who'd have thought these events could bring quite so much? Sadly I can't see Osborne going in the cabinet reshuffle, which will have happened by the time you read this. I also don't doubt that whoever Cameron brings in or gets rid off I can't imagine it'll be any better than it is now. So I only hope there's more booing. And more complaining. And more protesting. And more commentary. And more people voting against them when we can. And I also hope that when I'm at the Paralympics on Wednesday that Osborne is too so I can have a go. Well done people. I'll be safely disposing of those CFCs. For now. You'd all better hope Keith Lemon The Movie doesn't win an Oscar. Now back to watching that video again and again and again.
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