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It's Time We Switched to a 28 Hour Day

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"There just aren't enough hours in the day" they say, whoever 'they' are. And I've started to agree with 'them' - Twenty four sixty minute chunks of seconds aren't enough for me anymore, I need more hours in my day. Four hours more to be precise.

Before I come over as someone preaching motivation and activity for all, this realisation hit me as I was sat in my pants on the sofa staring blankly at a Sky Plus planner that gets fuller and fuller, without me watching any of the brilliant telly so conveniently stored on it. Game of Thrones: four episodes, none viewed. Hannibal: five episodes, none viewed. Homeland, nine episodes, one viewed. Homeland for crying out loud! That was on a year ago, everybody watched it apart from me, I didn't see it and I still know what happened (spoiler alert, I think the ginger man is just pretending to be American, he's actually British). But I can't really discuss it because there aren't enough hours in my day to have watched it.

The problem is we are absolutely drowning in entertainment. We need to listen to the best new music. We should read the best new books. Every single week the USA delivers us a new 22 episode drama that is a 'must-watch'. You need to be active on Twitter. And on Facebook. And you have to check your emails. And there are viral videos on the internet that you have to watch, or you won't know why people in your office are laughing, even though in my experience they're usually laughing at you and when you ask why they go quiet and run off. If you are a grown up then you probably have a wife or husband or boyfriend or girlfriend to spend time with. Or maybe a pet. Or you have children to bring up in a way that results in them never considering auditioning for anything involving Simon Cowell. Plus there's sport to play or to watch (watch). And bars to go to with friends. And snapchats of your penis to send to those friends. And that's before we've even considered the job that most of us spend 40 hours a week doing. Oh and computer games, you need to play the new Call of Duty or you're essentially pointless. And there are at least five new films in the cinema this week, at least one of which will have Bradley Cooper in it, and he wears aviator sunglasses quite well.

There are not enough hours in the day to do all of these things. So it's time to change from a 24 hour day to a 28 hour one. The way it works is that you'd still have the same amount of hours in a week as you do now (168) but only six days in a week. So we could get rid of Monday altogether. Which is fine, because Mondays are stupid. Only The Bangles would be upset about losing Mondays, and they've already made their money. Nobody's going to complain about that Tuesday morning feeling.

Basically we'd be up for longer in the daytime, but we'd sleep for nine hours every night. And we'd have longer weekends, 56 hour ones instead of 48. Yep, longer weekends. Admittedly there are slight downsides, mainly that we'd be awake in the dark a lot, which is fine for vampires, but not so good for, let's say, foxes. But then to be fair foxes do nothing other than scream and throw rubbish everywhere, so who cares.

What it would give you is plenty more time to watch the telly. Loads more time to sit and read books or websites or magazines, or to chat to people on the phone or sit and stare out of the window and cry and sing that 'Light up, light up' song by Snow Patrol while gently stroking a photo of Mila Kunis if you're anything like me.

2013-06-09-cartoon.jpg
(image via http://xkcd.com/320/)

Now I'm aware this new system could be open to abuse from employers, because we'd be awake for 18 hours a day rather than 16 and up all night twice a week. And they'd probably want us to work those extra two hours. Well fear not, because under the rules I've just decided (bearing in mind none of this is ever going to happen, I just thought it was an interesting idea) you're allowed to tell them to stick their job where the sun doesn't shine and then walk out all cool and sexy, and you won't get sacked.

So, if you feel like you don't have enough time to watch endless re-runs of Friends on Comedy Central, or if you're a) unemployed or b) mental then why not give the 28 hour day a try? You might like it!
Disclaimer: You won't like it. Eventually you'll be driven insane through lack of sunlight. Not my fault, I didn't make you do it.