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I'm sorry, Homeland, but we're through...

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Hi,

I know I've been a bit distant of late, but I've been trying to work things out in my head. It's been such a mess and I've come to the only conclusion I can think of. It's the only decision I think makes any sense.

I think you know why I'm writing this letter. I'm sorry. I've tried, I really have, but we're through. It's time for me to start seeing another drama.

Ever since our summer break, you've changed. You used to look at me through happily narrowed and suspicious lids, and I could tell you were lovingly picking apart every possible motive for my actions and listening to my every word to detect the slightest waver in my voice and pin down a lie.

Now, you have this wild-eyed stare and inability to sit still for a minute. All this fidgeting makes me think you're on something.

Worst of all, everything's a drama. When we were happy - during those really happy days, when you secretly bugged my flat so you could watch me while I was sleeping - you wouldn't mention anything you'd seen me do. Whatever it was would just sit there in your head, slowly and sweetly gnawing at your faith in me.

Not anymore, though. When you kicked down my front door because you had this crazy hunch I'd been speaking to Boardwalk Empire behind your back, that's when I knew we couldn't go on. I was even prepared to forgive you for the time you put a knife through my dad's hand because he wouldn't admit to knowing where the key to the shed was.

I know this might be a phase you're going through, but I've seen it too many times before, which makes me think that what you were has been lost for good. What I'm about to say might hurt, but I have to say it - this isn't you. This isn't who you are. I don't know where these muscles and aggression have come from and who you're trying to compete with, but you never had to do any of this. Everyone wanted to be like you. Now you're like everyone.

What's killing me is that I know how incredible you can be and have been. I hope you find yourself again. Forget what all these people are telling you to do and how to act. Be yourself. That's what I loved.

And whatever you do, no matter how much they try to convince you otherwise, a musical episode called Much Abu Nazir About Nothing would not work. They'll end up using you and you'll regret it. Sure, perhaps not at first, but it will haunt you for the rest of your career.

Oh, it's best if you hear this from me - it's true. I did see Holby City the other night. But it meant nothing. I just needed to be with someone that understood me. It was stupid to spend the whole night with them, but, well, you know how those things happen.

I wish you all the best. I really do.

Toby
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