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Tom Cornwall

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How to Be Happy: The Surprising Truth

Posted: 15/11/2012 23:00

Happiness. We all want it and yet it seems as to elude so many of us - no matter how hard we try to pursue it. According to a recent poll by the Office for National Statistics just 32% of people in the UK reported high levels of happiness when asked.

And yet many of us cringe slightly if the topic of conversation turns to happiness. We picture cheesy motivational videos or that uneasy feeling you have if you find yourself browsing in the self-help section of a bookstore. But much of the cynicism towards happiness may be semantic - nobody would say that we shouldn't try to reduce misery, would they? Yet it's as if admitting that you might have a 'happiness problem' is something to be ashamed of.

Trivial Pursuit?

But you shouldn't feel this way. Happiness isn't a trivial subject. As Oscar Wilde once said "We should treat all the trivial things of life seriously, and all the serious things of life with sincere and studied triviality."

According to the research of acclaimed psychologist Ed Diener and colleagues, he's on to something. Happier people live longer, recover quicker from illness, perform better in the workplace and experience more fulfilling relationships. In fact almost every way we cut the pie, happier people are better off - and causation doesn't always run in the direction you may assume.

What's being discovered is that just as our fitness level will remain constant without effort, our happiness levels will remain constant without effort. But with intentional effort our happiness 'muscles' can be trained.

Develop the Happiness Muscles

Researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison studied the brains of average people versus Buddhist monks who had over 10,000 hours of meditative training. The surprising findings were that when meditating the level of activity in regions of the brain associated with happiness dwarfed anything the scientists had ever seen. The brain had been trained and rewired to be happier in a process known as neuroplasticity, with regions getting stronger just as muscles do with more use.

Meditative approaches such as mindfulness based cognitive therapy, which is now an NHS accredited mental health treatment, work by helping us to focus on being present moment - rather than being stuck thinking about the past or projecting about the future. This helps us to achieve peak performance or 'flow' - the moments where we are completely engaged in what we are doing.

Increasingly mindfulness is being used in some of the most successful companies to help foster creativity and focus, with a prominent example being Google's 'Search Inside Yourself' programme developed by engineer and self-proclaimed "jolly good fellow" Chade-Meng Tan.

Bounce Back

But deep breathing isn't the complete answer to happiness. A study focusing on very happy people found that they did experience negative emotions in the same way way as the average person does, but that very happy people were able to overcome these feelings faster. They had developed emotional resilience that got them through. According to Martin Seligman, the superstar psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, seeing setbacks as "temporary, local and changeable" is the key to overcoming them.

Friend or Foe?

To para-phrase Nick Hornby, no man (or woman) is an island. We've long known that our connections and relationships play a large role in how happy we are. But what's only become known recently is that emotions are contagious and can and do spread, just like a virus epidemic, through our social networks. So we should heed the advice of Tim Ferriss, author of the upcoming The 4-Hour Chef, when he says that "you are the average of the five people you associate with most. If someone isn't making you stronger, they're making you weaker." Similarly, if someone isn't making you happier, they are making you miserable.

Find Your Map

Because happiness is so hard to measure, when we think about our lives we spent more time focusing on the things that we can easily measure - such as our bank balance - and less time on the things that we can't. And as Dan Gilbert reveals in his acclaimed TED talk, many of the things that we think will make us happy really do not at all. For a year Gretchen Rubin, bestselling author of The Happiness Project tried out many of the commonly held beliefs about happiness, finding that many were misguided.

So test things out, see what works and adapt what doesn't. But whatever you do, don't be fooled that happiness is trivial or that you can't do anything about it. How to be happy is a question that can be answered, you just need to pursue it with the right map.

 

Follow Tom Cornwall on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@thomascornwall

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Happiness. We all want it and yet it seems as to elude so many of us - no matter how hard we try to pursue it. According to a recent poll by the Office for National Statistics just 32% of people in th...
Happiness. We all want it and yet it seems as to elude so many of us - no matter how hard we try to pursue it. According to a recent poll by the Office for National Statistics just 32% of people in th...
 
 
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16:07 on 31/12/2012
Making somebody else happy is one of the best things you can do, you don't have to clever or rich, just a nice person.
21:00 on 05/12/2012
I'm the marketing assistant for Robert Scheinfeld, a NY Times bestselling author who just wrote a new book on how to be happy. It's called "The Ultimate Key To Happiness." It offers a v-e-r-y different approach to defining what happiness really is, and a very different step-by-step path to experience it all the time, no matter what's going on around you. The Internet has gotten so complex. So many options. Can anyone here share ideas for how to get the word out there about this important new book? I'd love to hear your ideas. I'm sure there are tons of ideas I've never thought of before.
01:07 on 17/11/2012
"Life when it is understood and utilised for what it is tastes sweet" said Mr Lao Tse to Mr Confucius and Mr Buddha when sampling the essence of life.

Simples ! Job Done ! End Of !
16:20 on 16/11/2012
"Most of us are just about as happy as we make up our minds to be" - William Adams, explorer.
14:00 on 16/11/2012
living in the moment is the key...it is also the secret to sports (the zone) but the most important thing is that people who are happy, refuse to be unhappy and learn to be their own weatherman...I like it sunny (it takes practice but man is it worth it)
04:20 on 16/11/2012
Before I go into anything pertaining to the Buddha, let me start by saying...due to an acute attack of careless spell checking in tandem with the inability to change my login name on HuffPost upon discovering said faux pas, my intended name should be Prajnaparamita (the Perfection of Transcendent Wisdom). Ahem! Now that I have purged this defilement, I shall continue.

Attadiipaa Sutta is the Buddhist term for "Being an Island Unto Yourself." I don't full agree with the phrase "No Man is an Island." Sometimes, the people you are around, and who surround you are just plain ol' nuclear waste. Being able to retreat into the safety of your mind is an essential tool for sanity and balance. If physical escape is not an option, you can learn to take a brief mental holiday. Create your own island. Laze in a hammock that's gently swaying in the soft ocean breeze. Sip a frufru drink decorated with multi-colored parasols. Imagine yourself in all kinds of beach attire, or have none at all. Be alone, or not. If you stay with your imaging, the harsh whinging of negativity that impinges on your reality will start to dissolve, if only for a few minutes. We all have the power to teach our minds to be our refuge. Having this knowledge alone can actually make us Happy. :-)
02:18 on 16/11/2012
You can choose to be happy, or choose to be miserable. Take pleasure in the simplest things in life, and enjoy your loved ones instead of trying to change them. Take care of your body & your health. Accept that you might have to work hard to get by, & embrace it....oh, & get a dog!
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Tom Cornwall
12:35 on 16/11/2012
Agree with much of that, kaysquare - your perception is a big reality of happiness.
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urownexperience
00:05 on 16/11/2012
Happiness? What's so great about happiness? Anyone can be happy. But few can see happiness and sadness as cycles and be neutral to both.
16:30 on 16/11/2012
And are you one of those? Why would someone be neutral to happiness? I don't mean to argue with you. Just wondering... Do you mean others' happiness or your own? Obviously what makes some people happy can make others miserable. It is just your perception anyway. I'd much rather choose happiness than ignore it.
21:52 on 15/11/2012
Discovered being in the moment about twenty years ago. I am and have been since then a very happy man. It is so true. No stress, no fear, no gods or masters. Just me, those I love, and nature. I would add that staying grounded close to the earth helps also. Pay attention to what is happening in your moment, wherever and whenever you are and you will discover your map.

Pay close attention to only the things that you can control and little to those you can't. Filter the noise and remember that what the brain makes cloudy the heart makes clear. Happiness can be like the elusive butterfly. When pursued it remains just beyond your reach. But if you sit quietly it may light upon you.

Peace!
15:02 on 30/12/2012
That's the loveliest thing I've heard in a while, well done. :)