I'm not in the habit of quoting Shakespeare to people, I've always had a sneaking suspicion that people who quote Shakespeare are the kind of people who buy books for their coffee table and only open them when they hear the doorbell. You know the sort, the ones who used...

I used to drive a mini cab of a night for a living, assuming, of course, you can could it a living. Long nights and late night fights with the drunk and desperate, the drugged and itinerate peppered the hours of boredom spent wandering the streets of Liverpool waiting for...

When I was seventeen the gates of hell were eight feet high and made of rubber. Whenever they opened they made a noise that sounded like two whales in wetsuits on a kids slide and even now, nearly twenty five years later, whenever I hear a whale in a wetsuit...

Many years ago, in a past life, long before I was a stand up comedian and a writer, I was a Policeman.

Don't ask me how it happened (the police thing, not the stand up and writing thing (although come to think of it, I don't know how that...

Due to being ridiculously lazy I finally got around to throwing a pile of old newspapers from last year out a few weeks ago. Before they made it to the bin on their final journey in the circle of life they sat on my kitchen table while I made a...

Football is back! Hang on, that wasn't loud enough, let's try this... "FOOTBALL! YES! FOOTBAAAAAAAALLLLL! FOOTBALL IS BACK!"

And I, for one, don't really care.

I've not bought the papers with the free new season magazines, I've not renewed my Sky package nor have I got excited over the...

Someone sent me a link the other day asking me to help save a local bookshop,

"Could you tweet this? He needs help." She said and I opened the link, to find that I'd already heard of the guy who owned the shop and quite frankly, I didn't like...

Radio Five told me the other day that the country was "gripped by Olympic Fever", so I looked out of the window to check. It was difficult to tell, but my next door neighbour, Ken, didn't look like he was gripped by it as he was weeding his garden. For...