Dear Borderline Personality Disorder,
I am giving you the full title this morning because the shortened abbreviation BPD in my opinion doesn't always give the powerful malign powers you have to ruin the lives of thousands the full recognition you deserve.
Also because when I was a child being told off it would inevitably begin with my full name being bellowed out by a teacher or an Aunt. You knew you were in for some serious trouble when your full name was called out.
Today I intend to take you to task, or to tie in with above, tell you off....
How can one nasty little evil shit of a condition be so resilient and seemingly immune to any treatments we use to try and put you back in your box? On the medical side of things I am on the maximum daily dose of a medication called Vensir XL which is recognised as the most effective pharmaceutical concoction yet developed to combat the effects you have on the brains of those who are unlucky enough to have you screwing with their minds and generally ruining their lives. I also take the odd diazepam to soften the sharpest and most dangerous impulses you are capable of creating in my brain.
On the therapy front I have been through more analysts and counsellors than Woody Allen. The latest being six months of Dialectic Behaviour Therapy which is the the most up to date therapy specifically designed to fight back against BPD. It is so new and groundbreaking that my course was one of the first to be ran in N Ireland.
Some may disagree but generally speaking I am also a strong person mentally with a forceful personality who will never shy away from an argument or be prepared to confront someone face to face if needed. I am also fortunate enough to have been gifted with the knowledge and ability to have a fearsome arsenal of weaponry in the shape of language at my disposal. Which my enemies can tell you make me a fairly formidable opponent when I feel the need to be.
Despite all of the above you still have the evil ability to worm yourself into my head like you did yesterday. Which turned what should have been an average Wednesday into hell on earth for me. You pulled out all the stops with all the greatest hits of BPD chucked in there to truly mess with my mind....completely unfounded guilt about my illness, paranoia meaning that if I sent a message and didn't hear back immediately it meant the person was either angry at me about something or were just sick of having listen to my nonsense and wanted nothing moe to do with me.
As ever you saved the final and greatest hit of all to the very last after you had softened me up with all the tactics above. 2.00 am with me lying there wondering what was the point of going on with a life like this? Briefly. Contemplating adding myself to the already scandalous statistics of men feeling they had no other way out except suicide.
Obviously you will have realised by me even writing this means with doubtless a sense of defeat I beat you yesterday. As I sit here in the first real dedicated study I have had in my life at my beautiful retro chic desk and look at my huge framed print of Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society I can say with a certain amount pride yesterday at least Borderline Personality I kicked your nasty and devious arse.
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