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A Different Kinda Single: The Healthy vs. the Unhealthy Single

07/10/2014 17:26 BST | Updated 07/12/2014 10:59 GMT

Did you know there are two types of single people in the world? Yup, some people wear single life better than others, but what distinguishes those who rock singles-ville and others who drown in pudding pots?

I'll tell you - it's all in the attitude...

Here are six distinctions between the Healthy and Unhealthy Single:

1. The Healthy Single is Open to Love. The Unhealthy Single Resents Love. 

I've got to admit when I see a couple on the tube snogging it makes me want to barf. I mean is that really necessary? But in principle, I think to myself: hey, that couple really dig each other - good for them! If those slobber-balls can find each other there is hope for me yet! (Even if I'd prefer it if they didn't do it right in front of my face.) 

The healthy single doesn't resent love because it has kicked her ass to the curb a few times and mauled her heart like a hound on a lamb chop. 

After all, love is risk, and the one who is willing to give it another chance is the person who lives a life of advancement.

2. The Healthy Single WANTS a Relationship. The Unhealthy Single NEEDS a Relationship.

Come on now, everybody wants to find someone eventually. But the point is when you are Miss Desperate and NEED a relationship you attract people who take advantage of your vulnerability. You lower your standards. You settle. And you know what? You begin to undervalue yourself.

It's not about finding someone perfect, or finding someone to fill that man-shaped hole in your life, it's about finding someone you can grow with and plant dreams with. And in the meantime you shouldn't stop living your life.

3. The Healthy Single Understands That This Is a Transition. The Unhealthy Single Believes This Is the End. (Dum dum dummm!)

Being single is not an occupation or final destination or DISEASE: it's a transitory state. 

I'm going to die alonnneee. This thought has probably entered all of our minds at some point (probably after a couple of glasses of pinot) but deep down the Healthy Single knows that life is a continuous transition.

Life is about changes, so evolve with the seasons. Don't get stuck in a singleton-rut. Don't be the reason why you don't move forward in life. 

4. The Healthy Single Knows Her Worth Without a Relationship. The Unhealthy Single Depends on a Relationship to Make Her Feel Worthy.  

So many of my girlfriends genuinely rely on a relationship to give them self-worth. Their mood is completely dependent on their partner. It's messed up! 

The healthy single creates a life for herself where her mood does not completely depend on her partner's behaviour. 

The healthy single does not need validation from someone telling them they are worthy of love to know they deserve love. The healthy single is boss of how she feels about herself. Boom! 

5. The Heathy Single Knows that Happiness and Being in a Relationship are NOT the Same. The Unhealthy Single Think the Two Are Mutually Exclusive. 

There's this myth that if you are in a relationship you will be happy. 

Well hate to break it to you sister, but that's a load of bullshhhhh - Yes, being in a loving, committed relationship is beautiful. But guess what? Some people in relationships are just as miserable, if not MORE miserable, than people in no relationship at all. 

Happiness isn't a by-product of a relationship. It's a by-product of a healthy relationship. Simply being in a couple doesn't make problems disappear. And hello, relationships require work - for them to succeed.

The healthy single knows that it's better to fly solo then be with a partner who drags you down. They would rather wait it out for Mr/Miss Right. I mean, look at George Clooney!

6. The Healthy Single Lives Her Life to the Full. The Unhealthy Single is Waiting for a Relationship So Her Life Can Begin. 

If you are not maximising your life as a single, you won't maximise it when you're in a relationship. Trust me.

The healthy single lives her life to the full whether she is in a relationship or flying solo. She pursues her passion, she is bold and she is led by a greater calling than finding love. Her confidence and self worth is grounded in something deeper than another person.

'In an ideal world - you should have a sense of your calling before [you get married].' 

John Mark Comer, Loveology

Being single does not mean lacking. In fact, in the dictionary the meaning of 'single' denotes to 'one, not of several' and 'distinct from each other'. It's about individuality.

So if you are single and reading this right now, don't let the word spew negativity on the greatest solo performance of your life. You work that singleness girl! 

For more on love, life and thinking positive visit aliljoy.com.