10/08/2010 12:23 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 06:12 BST

Achtung Baby Or You Can Take The Girl Out Of Oldham...

I won't bore you with the detail but I do have a few points of contention with Finje's kindergarten. Suffice it to say, in my humble opinion, if you don't truly enjoy working with The Little People you should do the honorable thing and bugger off. Fun suckers have no place looking after my daughter. That would be my job! Find a job where you can pick on people your own size. They're always looking for traffic wardens I hear.

It started at the last parent's meeting. A relatively small but in my opinion important issue continued to be glossed over by, we'll call her "Frau Führer", who clearly wasn't keen to discuss. I refused to be intimidated (repetitive mantra: nobody puts Baby in the corner) and kept bringing up my point every three minutes, using my impressively irritating Egg-Timer-Strategy. I did though, remain calm and temperate even under her Paddington Bear-like stare.

Friday though, was a different day and a much bigger issue resulted in the unexpected release of my seldom seen Inner-Oldhamer. Frau Führer who repeatedly throws in the "I'm pedagogically trained and therefore know better" card, didn't seem quite sure how to handle a raging Northerner going at full pelt.

I think it's fair to assume I'm off her Christmas card list.

I'm unsure as to the potential success of my subtle expression of dissatisfaction. I'd take a guess at limited. For a short while I must admit to feeling rather positive but now I'm wondering about Witness Protection Programme application. Those German pedagogues, they don't like it up 'em!

The village mayor (yes there is one), who apparently gets on very well with Frau Boss, has deemed fit to involve himself. It probably has something to do with my fraternizing with the enemy. He drove past the house yesterday in his big fat BMW with a fish sticker on the boot (just an observation) and glared at me sitting in the garden with a couple of other parents who had also dared to question our Führer.

Of course I do also have my husband on my side. I have managed over the years, possibly by means of osmosis, to Anglicize him to the extent where he too can give an excellent no holes barred performance where necessary, but it's not the German way.

The fan has been hit, the boat has been rocked and in the words of Ronald McDonald, "I'm Lovin' It".