One report at the weekend stated Arsenal were set to bid for Gonzalo Higuaín, Lars Bender and Ílkay Gündoğan. Such fanciful talk makes hope's killer blow all the more painful, and the Gunners are set to be snubbed by a player who isn't any of those three, in Stevan Jovetić.
Arsenal are known admirers of the Montenegrin and were heavily linked with Jovetić a few weeks ago, predominantly by one Italian journalist who treats any rumour as fact. This got Arsenal fans excited, but the Fiorentina forward prefers a move to Serie A champions Juventus, say the Metro.
Should Juve sign the 23-year-old, it would at least enable Arsenal to focus their efforts on bringing Gonzalo Higuaín to the club. Juventus have already signed Fernando Llorente and have about four other strikers, so it is unlikely both Jovetić and Higuaín will arrive at Juventus Stadium.
It's presidential election time for Real Madrid, and even though Florentino Pérez is running all on his own that hasn't stopped him making his quadrennial pledge to sign big-name players. Or in Cristiano Ronaldo's case, retain them.
Pérez insists the Portuguese wants to commit his future to Madrid, despite rumours to the contrary. Ronaldo's contract expires in two years' time and that time-frame, as Arsenal have known to their cost, effectively places a player in the shop window.
That has literally happened, as well.
Madrid director Zinedine Zidane, meanwhile, is of the opinion they need to break Ronaldo's £80 million world record to sign Gareth Bale, add the Mail.
José Mourinho's press conference today could perhaps be hosted at the Prince Charles Cinema, such is their wont for quote-along events. He is sure to be asked on all things blue, why a manager who has not won anything in his career was preferred to him as Sir Alex Ferguson's successor and transfers.
Nampalys Mendy is billed as the "new Makelele", and heaven knows Manchester United could do with a couple of sly sods in midfield to alleviate the burden on Michael Carrick.
The 20-year-old Monaco midfielder is ostensibly a target for the champions, who signed 20-year-old right-back Guillermo Varela last week.
Manchester City have bought two players without officially naming Roberto Mancini's successor, and are willing to offer AC Milan £21m plus Carlos Tévez for striker Stephan El Shaarawy, claim Gazzetta dello Sport.
Quite what purpose Carroll would have in a team whose coach is so obsessed with on-the-deck football he refused to blame a player for a back-pass assist is anyone's guess. Fowler, however, was a left-footed number nine at Anfield and Carroll, get this, is a left-footed number nine at Anfield. One for those parasitical parody accounts to tweet, no?
And the auspiciously named Hal Robson-Kanu wants to leave Reading, with Midlands rivals West Brom and Aston Villa keen to sign the winger, say the Sun.
Despite a decent campaign, he plays nothing like Bryan Robson or 36-year-old Nwankwo Kanu. Thirty-six...