11/07/2013 19:09 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 10:12 BST

First Look: Mariah Carey Goes For Gold In Triumphant Music Video

mariah carey triumphant

Mariah Carey has a music video out for Triumphant - it's one of those songs with lots of brackets and "featuring" and - SPOILERS - Mariah is phoning it in big style (in our opinion).

But for the video? The video is golden. Literally and, at points, metaphorically.

mariah carey

The story begins with Mariah playing either the friend or the girlfriend of Meek Mill who is rapping about making it in this world despite haters trying to grind him down. Then there's a bit about mountains and it's basically a rap version of Miley Cyrus's The Climb, isn't it? Anyway, Meek Mill is a BOXER in the video because of all the striving and because he looks nice with his top off. Mariah is in a heavily embellished dress that breaks the cleavage OR legs rule with aplomb.

Mariah then changes into an incredibly tight gold mullet dress and stands in front of a wind machine because - why not? - and offers sage boxing wisdom like "stay on your toes" and similar.

mariah carey

Rick Ross steps in at this point and tells a tale of pole dancers, fast cars, suspended driving licenses and going shopping twice a week. We're a little hazy on the particulars because Rick Ross is distracting us with his old school high roller outfit which is all fur coat, massive cigar and indoor sunglasses.

rick ross

Then Mariah is a boxing match card holder person in a spray-on two piece thing and then there's a part when she's using the boxing ring as a stage. At that point we felt we had seen all there was to see and started nodding off. A glitter explosion sort of woke us up for a while but that was about it.

mariah carey

If you don't believe us here you go (you might have to go to YouTube to watch it though):