Dear God please don’t let this be real.
Footage of a woman apparently defecating into her own hands outside a nightclub is currently oozing through the murky depths of the internets.
The lady in question is seen standing with her back to a wall and a look of what appears to be intense concentration upon her face.
Casual defecation in progress?
You can watch the clip yourself if you scroll down to the bottom, but just in case you don’t have the stomach, we've gallantly stepped in.
In as far as staying under the radar in a public place, it's an impressive performance. There is some slight squirming as people mill around, but nothing to betray what's going on underneath her hemline.
Apparently finished, our hero then flings the deposit behind her, which is where the CCTV cuts out.
A brief colour clip (mobile phone footage?) is then spliced onto the end, showing what is presumed to be the, er, result.
There’s no word on who the woman is, or confirmation of where the glorious event happened, but we can tell you the clip was posted to Reddit six months ago, with claims it occurred in Toronto.
Apart from universal revulsion, some commenters speculate that a) it looks more likely that she was removing a tampon (still horrible but not as bad, come on) OR that the regardless of what she was doing, the last frame was just added on for shits and giggles (sorry).
Anyway, it's back. It's horrible. But there we have it.