White House Petition Demanding Alaska Secede Back To Russia Gains 30,000 Signatures

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NEW YORK -- Having added Crimea to the Russian Federation with barely a shot fired, Vladimir Putin’s next territorial acquisition could come gift wrapped from the people of the Unites States thanks to a petition on the White House website calling for the state of Alaska to secede back to Russia.

So far 30,000 people have signed the petition, though it is not known whether the signatories are Alaskans wanting to secede, or the rest of America wanted rid of the 49th state and its most famous daughter Sarah Palin.

Should the petition reach 100,000 signatures in 30 days, the White House must officially comment on the proposal. The petition is set to run until 20 April.

Created by “S.V.” of Anchorage, the entreaty is entitled “Alaska Back to Russia” and advocates for a "vote for secession of Alaska from the United States and joining Russia". Unfortunately for those Americans looking to flee Obama’s socialist dystopia in favour of Putin’s enlightened Camelot, a Supreme Court ruling after the Civil War makes unilateral secession unconstitutional… though Obama might make an exception if Mama Grizzly were included in the deal.

A similar petition for Texas to secede was launched in 2012, which did gain the requisite 100,000 signatures. To that petition the White House responded:

“Our founding fathers established the Constitution of the United States ‘in order to form a more perfect union’ through the hard and frustrating but necessary work of self-government. They enshrined in that document the right to change our national government through the power of the ballot -- a right that generations of Americans have fought to secure for all. But they did not provide a right to walk away from it.”

The state of Alaska, which was purchased from Russia in 1867 for a sum of $7.2 million, officially became part of the Union in 1959.

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