14/08/2014 16:49 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 10:12 BST

A Short List Of Things I Haven't Learnt About Parenting

A short list of things I haven't learnt about parenting

I'm not yet a veteran parent. I've not weathered the teens. But having spend a goodly number of years in the baby infantry and finally got all three off to proper school, I like to think I've earned enough stripes reach at least the rank of Captain. There are however a number of things which continue to mystify me:

- Why boys always manage to get wee on the loo seat and why I never remember this and sit down anyway.

- Why as soon as one child has got over a period of grumpiness or bad behaviour another one starts. Like a particularly annoying relay race.

- Why teddies appear to breed in children's beds.

- Why they wake up so bloody early in the morning.

- Why as soon as you mention, or even think about, a parenting related issue going well, it all goes to pot. As if there's some kind of parenting bad fairy who can read our minds.

- How to get rid of nits.

Victoria Wallop is a confirmed Londoner, with a love of travelling to far-flung places. She writes, tweets and solders silver for a living. She's useful in a pub quiz and adept at pulling leeches off small people. Blog: Victoria Wallop.
Twitter: @vwallop