14/08/2014 16:33 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 10:12 BST

Holidays For Lovers: What's The Worst That Could Happen?

One of my favourite things about being with someone is going away together. It's nearly the only things I miss having a regular, everyday boyfriend.

When you're with someone long term there's the presumption you're going to want to do stuff in the future rather than the dance of playing-it-cool or the even more complex, choreographed dance of pretending-to-not-be-a-game-player. By the way, both dances are stupid.

I spend a lot of time thinking about travel and a lot of time thinking of having sex and 100% of the time thinking about how I'm going to combine those two things together. I presume there are single girls out there who are in the same boat but don't know how to get it to happen. This short, casual article is for you. Let's keep everything easy going.

What if you love to do a bit of sexy travel but feel it's too much pressure on a new relationship?
Say what you like about budget airlines, they've made it easy to go away for a couple of days without it effecting your bank balance too much (saying that, I always come back and have to get the fire brigade to unstick my arm from the back of the couch). It's also easier for you to be spontaneous, taking the pressure away from too much forward planning. "Will we still be seeing each other in two months?" changes to "do you have to work this weekend? I've seen these £14 flights to Oslo and I've never been, fancy it?". Smooth move. If they say no for no good reason then what have you lost? Someone who hates adventure. I wouldn't pursue that life-time of boredom any further.


Can it get more casual?
Last weekend, I went away to Copenhagen with the guy I'm on-again, off-again seeing. It was easy for me to orchestrate because he was already to be there on business, and it was a simple case of just going to meet him and him adding a few extra days to his trip. I am a professional business trip hijacker, staying in hotels on someone else's company money and doing what you like when they work suits me fine. "While you're already there, do want me to come out and see you?" Doesn't get more casual than that. Find someone with a jetsetter job, or in my case, try and find someone with a job.

How else can I keep the pressure off?
A simple one, keep your luggage down to a minimum. You don't want external, physical problem on a breezy, lighthearted jaunt. Good understated underwear, check. A few choice pieces from your wardrobe, check. Those really expensive travel miniatures which look cute but don't serve any purpose whatsoever if you've got hair over a centimetre long, check.

Paying your fair share also helps. (If the guy who I just went away with reads this he'll be in hospital now with a chronic gasping jaw). Try to pay your fair share.

What happens if you fall out or worse, have nothing to talk about?
You'll be home in no time, no big deal. Holidays are a great way of finding out how many common interests you have, how you like to spend your time is a big part of that. There are elements of compromise - do you have any idea how many foreign windfarms I've looked at during my previous relationships?

What's the worst that could happen?
When I was 18 I ran away to Cape Town with a Rastafarian I'd known for about two weeks. It was a total disaster but this is a story only for my lawyer. I'm still alive and that's the important thing.

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