14/08/2014 12:41 BST | Updated 20/05/2015 06:12 BST

The Idiot Box: 10 Things You Need To Know About TV This Week


1. W1A (BBC Two, Wednesday, 10pm) is the follow up to 2012, with the Olympics swapped for the BBC, and like it's predecessor it's being massively overhyped. Jessica Hynes is still pretty funny as the thick PR Siobhan and there are some nice swipes at the Beeb, but ultimately this is an amusing, if rarely hilarious, half hour of telly that's massively pleased with itself. You can almost hear the off camera backslapping as the Claire Balding gags drop. Also, the endless jokes about corporate jargon ("Way ahead task forces", "interactive spaces" etc.), which weren't even that funny when they were done by that Tory spin doctor in The Thick of It, really must be stopped.

2. Instead of W1A, you could check out The School That Rocks (BBC Three, Wednesday, 10pm), or Spinal Tap College as it might also be called. I'm a big fan of aspiring singer Ella who doesn't want much, except to be the "the next Beyonce or Whitney", "the next Ella", and "almost like Amy Winehouse without the drugs."

3. Poor old Robert Webb. One minute he's being brilliant in Peep Show and the next he's doing the voice over for You Saw Them Here First (ITV1, Wednesday, 8pm), a clips compilation in which he tells lame jokes over archive footage of actors, celebs and sports stars making their TV debuts. Danny Dyer in a hospital bed and Downton's Mrs Hughes in a 1970s cop show were just two of the highlights of last week's instalment. I can hardly contain my excitement to see who Webby's got for us this week, but in the meantime let's remember his glory days...

4. The big soap news this week is not that Janine is going on trial for murder in EastEnders, but that Doug Willis - played by Jason Donovan's old man Terence - is heading back to Neighbours (Channel 5). The truck driving, vest wearing Aussie idol will be hitting our screens in April. As we can see from this startling picture, age has not withered him...

Channel 5

5. One of the increasingly maddening wonders of modern TV is that Sunday Brunch, starring the moron's moron Tim Lovejoy, currently takes up three hours of Channel 4's airtime on a Sunday morning (Channel 4, Sunday, 10.30am). There's no need for me to take the piss out of this parade of crap when Jake Yapp already did it so magnificently in the recent series of Weekly Wipe...

6. I'm not sorry I'm plugging Line of Duty (BBC Two, Wednesday, 9pm) for the second week on the spin. True Detective aside, it's currently the best thing on the box and last week's final 20 minutes in which the dastardly (or maybe not so dastardly) Mike Dryden was put through the wringer was absolutely epic television. I don't have a clue how things will go down in this week's finale, although Keeley Hawes's DI Denton still seems pretty dodgy to me, but I'm assuming the pay off's going to be spectacular.

Line Of Duty

7. Botched Up Bodies: Brides is another heartwarming slice of life from Channel 5 (Thursday, 10pm) - "a documentary about substandard cosmetic surgery done prior to weddings".

Botched Up Bodies Brides

8. Film of the Week: A chance to catch up with the very funny, if painfully hip, Juno (Channel 4, Saturday, 12.05am). Worth seeing for Ellen Page's star turn and Michael Cera doing that geeky thing he always does.

9. Also showing is the ludicrous comedy-horror, Lake Placid (E4, Saturday, 9pm), starring cut-price Harrison Ford, Bill Pullman, and a large crocodile. An entertaining load of crap.

10. Series Four of Game of Thrones is just a few weeks away. The first episode is on Sky Atlantic on April 7 – here's the latest trailer to make you even more impatient for winter to come...

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