14/10/2014 17:56 BST | Updated 14/10/2014 18:59 BST

The Apprentice's 14 Most Ridiculous Quotes From Episode 1

So it's back, in all its belt-and-braces greed-is-good glory, with Lord Sugar failing to crack a smile through the first episode of 'The Apprentice', now in its tenth year.

MORE: Meet This Year's Apprentice Candidates 2014

Some things never change, with the candidates each revealing an impressive chasm between their self-belief and their actual abilities. But some things do change, with project manager Sarah's instruction to her female team members to lather on the slap and wear a short skirt an almost post-modern take on the boardroom etiquette of yesteryear. I mean, she's being ironic, right?

Greed is good - just keep telling yourself that, Daniel

Anyhow, here to kick us off, were the 14 most ridiculous words overheard in Episode 1, proving that there's no fool like a financially ambitious one. Who's your favourite to win thus far? Let us know below...

Photo gallery The Apprentice: Episode 1's Most Ridiculous Quotes See Gallery

Here they are... who's got winner emblazoned on his/her forehead from the off? Easy to spot?

Photo gallery Meet The 2014 'Apprentice' Candidates See Gallery