Mum's Important Message About Consent To Boy Who Likes Her Daughter: 'No Means No'


This mum has some wise words for a boy who won't take her daughter's 'no' for an answer.

Lindsey Doe is the mum behind the DoeEyes YouTube channel, she is also a sexual health educator, so when her daughter complained about a boy who wouldn't stop pestering her for a date, Lindsey decided the best way to respond was through a vlog.

"You've probably picked up from society messages about how when you want something you need to try harder," she says. "Go at it! Do whatever you can to get it. Don't give up. Maybe it's for this reason that you repeatedly ask my daughter out."

In the video Lindsey doesn't name and shame the boy, but instead offers a valuable lesson that is relevant to us all - regardless of age or gender.

She offers a simple guide to deciphering what women and girls really mean:

If she says: I don't know.

You should: Give her space to figure it out.

If she says: Maybe.

You should: Have a conversation about her feelings of uncertainty.

If she says: Ask me again later then go ahead ask her again later.

You should: Go ahead and ask her again later.

But if she says: No thanks.

Stop asking me.


Go away.

You should: Back off.

"This goes for all aspects of your life," Lindsey concludes. "If someone tells you 'no' in any way and you ask again it's not cool, it's not attractive, it's not respectful. It's harassment."

Story continues below the video.

The video has been viewed more than 76,000 times in 10 days and has sparked debate in the comments section on YouTube.

"Reality moment - a younger, foolisher, and more impulsive me had to learn this exact same thing too," wrote one commenter. "Being able to take 'no' for an answer is a sign of maturity and shows a willingness to grow."

Although some were a little less open to the life lesson.

"Women are seldom attracted spontaneously to guys so guys have to try to seduce them. the point is how much is too much? According to feminists approaching a woman in public is harassment already," wrote another commenter.

The portrayal of abusive men as romantic heroes is a topic that Tom Meagher, a leading advocate for the White Ribbon Campaign recently blogged about for HuffPost UK.

"Women have been a plot device for male entitlement for as far back as stories were being told, as trophies for creepy behaviour, as the spoils of war, as the property of men, as the maiden-in-waiting for her adorable coercive, overly-persistent prince-charming," he wrote.

"Romantic notions of ownership and possession have been cultural touchstones from Homer's depiction of the Trojan war to countless Marvel and DC superheroes, to the princess in Super Mario Bros."

Given how widespread these depictions of persistence paying off are, it's unsurprising that some young people are confused about how to respond to rejection, which is why we think Lindsey's video should be required viewing for all aspiring lotharios.

The Consent Project