'Terrible' First Date Live-Tweeted By Writer In Coffee Shop (And It's Hilarious)

Watching a couple on what appears to be a terrible first coffee date at the table next to me. Dude is every precious self-involved writer.

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015

"I'm writing a screenplay. It's about this guy who never really feels like he fits in. Like he's just different"

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015

"People tell me I look like James Franco."

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015

She keeps politely asking him questions. Not once has he asked her about herself.

Wait he just asked if she'd ever dated a writer wtf

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015

"Writing is really hard. People don't know that. It involves a lot of introspection, a lot of wrestling with your own demons."

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015

He's now complaining about the "body" of the coffee, telling her he knows a place that doesn't over-roast their beans.

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015

Girl works for a non-profit. Dude is condescendingly explaining to her why most non-profit models don't work, he looked into making one once

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015

Every single thing she mentions he "did that one time, with my buddy" and is now an expert in

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015

Girl: I actually love cooking

Dude: Oh god you should try my puttanesca sauce, my friend who's a chef says it's even better than his

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015

"A lot of my friends are having kids but I don't know," *self-conscious laugh* "I can barely take care of myself let alone a baby."

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015

OH NO NOW HE'S TALKING ABOUT HOW HIS FEAR OF HAVING CHILDREN STEMS FROM HIS DADDY ISSUES AND I CANNOT

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015

Girl has a look of mild panic.

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015

Girl just looked at her phone in feigned surprise. "Oh weird, I have a text from my mom." I just snorted audibly, turned it into fake cough

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015

Dude, oblivious: "oh yeah? That's awesome, I don't think my mom even knows how to text"

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015

Girl: "yeah, she's, uh, worried she left her stove on. she's in a meeting and can't go home. I'd better go check for her."

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015

Dude: do you want to go and come back?

Girl: It's pretty far. Maybe we can do this again next week? I'll text you.

OUT THE DOOR LIKE A SHOT

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015

He just opened his laptop and started typing. I hope it's a sad story about his life.

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015