Black Friday is almost here, sparking within us the sort of visceral desire to compete with fellow shoppers that can't be explained nor justified.
Millions will spend close to a billion pounds on ever-so-slightly discounted televisions and tat from online megastores.
But for those venturing to physical outlets this week there's a wave of hell waiting to be unleashed. So we've imagined a world where Black Friday really isn't all that bad...
These are 8 scenes we'd all love to see on Black Friday
Warning: these scenes are quite literally incredible.