I got married about two years ago -- and anyone and everyone who knew I was about to tie the knot was not shy to give me marriage advice.
Further, as per culture, older well-meaning married women from my hometown of Ulundi in KwaZulu-Natal also sat me down to give me tips about how to navigate this new chapter of my life.
And boy, I can tell you, I cringed, my heart beat a little faster and I held myself from bursting out in laughter from some of the well-meaning but sometimes questionable advice.
There were some really good ones but below is a list of my top seven weird, hilarious and downright sexist tips ones, to say the least -- from everyone who ever said anything to me during that period.
I should also mention that many of my married friends and colleagues have also heard the same:
1. 'Kuyabekezelwa emshadweni' - you persevere through everything
There may be instances of cheating and even a child outside of wedlock -- it's not the end of the world. Men are men. The experience will only make you stronger.
2. If you want a heart attack, check his phone
You never check a man's phone. If you do, it's at your own risk.
3. 'Indoda ayibuzwaibuyaphi' -- you do not ask a man where he's coming from or where he's been
Just let him be. In fact, don't ask him too many questions, period. Men hate nagging wives.
4. A man must eat, literally
No man can stand a woman who cannot cook. Further, no man wants to warm his own food in the microwave. No matter how late he comes home, you must warm his food and bring it on a tray.
5. There is no being too tired for sex when you are married
You must be ever-ready. Otherwise, he will just find it elsewhere -- and it will be all your fault.
6. Don't have too many female friends -- one of them will probably try to steal him from you
Men are weak and can't control themselves.
7. Love his mother (your mother-in-law) more than you do your own
You belong to this new family now and you have a new mother.