THE BLOG
08/05/2014 14:21 BST | Updated 07/07/2014 10:59 BST

Should Relationships Really Be Effortless?

Daniel Laflor via Getty Images

We have all heard it, the people with a wonderful marriage, the couple with amazing chemistry, or the lovebirds that rarely argue. But do they actually exist? I would like to think so.

To say that I have met a couple that has been living together for a year more, and never argues, would be untrue. I have met hundreds of couples, and hundreds of singles, and people argue. It is an unfortunate characteristic of humankind, to think and speak freely, to have an opinion, and to want someone who will love you for who you are. It is a double-edged sword, because it is also a fortunate characteristic of humankind that we do think and speak freely, have opinions, and want to be loved. Like most things in life worth doing, there are pros and there are cons.

I have always said that relationships should be effortless, and that there should be an unstated mutual respect and understanding for one another. For the most part, I still believe this. Relationships can be effortless, and the majority of the time it should be. If the time a couple spends making an effort to get along, keep the peace, understand one another, or compromise, outweighs the amount of time they spend in effortless euphoria* - well then it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.

As I sit here sipping carrot juice in my beautiful apartment in New York City, that my handsome boyfriend and I live in together, I can't help but admit that our relationship is effortless. Sure we have our small squabbles about holding the door for me, or if 36 holes of golf in one weekend is a bit excessive, but other than that, we watch The Following on Monday nights and play Monopoly or Scrabble every week. Our relationship is effortless in my mind because I am not constantly working to make it work. In my opinion, none of us should.

Don't mistake what I'm saying here, and give up on a good relationship going through a tough patch. But do understand that compromise and change are good and healthy for every couple. I wasn't perfect heading into this relationship, and none of us ever are. I think to truly find happiness and contentment, one must be tried and tested by another. We must all find a way to challenge ourselves to become better humans, better spouses and better partners, without constantly triggering our defense mechanisms that keep us from that change.

As they say, change is good.

*Mind the author's sarcasm here. In fact, mind the author's sarcasm in most articles. Now smile.