10/02/2014 12:44 GMT | Updated 12/04/2014 06:59 BST

The Preparation for Oscar

The Academy Awards are closing up on us... it's time to bring on the glamour. February is indeed preparation month as talent gear up to look their sharpest for their arrival at Hollywood's Kodak theatre for the March 2nd event. So what does it all entail before hand to get to this heavenly state, for this most precious of Awards. Let's take a look...

Now firstly, the body must be in perfect condition. This is peak time for personal trainers and body gurus, you must look A-Star good.. Did you know it's very popular for both men and women, yes this is true!! to have Botox injections under the armpits, or on the soles of the feet or even the palms of hands to stop the sweats, it is all about maintaining ultimate body control. Oh yes and did you know that you can even have fat injections in the soles of your feet to alleviate the pain of high-heels, for real! Did I mention the peels, injections, laser resurfacing and microdermabrasion which are undertaken in order to get the kind of ageless, perfect skin that can tolerate extremely high-definition cameras and those extreme close-ups on the lavish red carpet. Do not forget weekly facials, oxygen and LED light treatments to hydrate and plump up that skin and some luxurious skincare, it goes on and on. Let's not forget the hair which always must be at the perfect stage of colour and cut. The look must be precise and picture perfect, everyone wants that glamorous hair!

Now on to the dress, which must be unique, but not Cher at the Awards many moons ago crazy style unique, unless you think you can carry it off. Everyone wants to look amazing. The outfit has to be interesting enough for fashion critics to fall over themselves to label it 'lavish' 'fresh' and 'exciting', but safe enough for the General Public and the majority of the magazine population to slide it into the Best Dressed pages, let's go!

So how do you work it?

1. Make sure that your facial expression and pose is rocking it flattering and super captivating at ALL times baby.

2. Make sure to pose in a way that flatters the fall of the dress and the body shape.

3, Keep that smile alluring - but not too seductive, and get yourself ready for the hundreds of photographers all yelling you name from different directions, making sure to look elegantly insouciant when the camera pans to you.

The Oscar invite has so much pressure attached, yet can evoke so much joy, and if you are actually being nominated for something: It is positively astral. Lights. Camera, Action - and the Oscar goes to ......