As a sexual educator, I get a lot of backlash when I comes to talking about consent (rape culture at its finest, #amirite?). Asking for consent is not only mandatory, but it can be a super sexy way to spice up your sex life, by actively asking for consent throughout all sexual activity.
Getting your partner's permission to have sex doesn't have to ruin the mood, in fact, it can be a major turn-on while simultaneously building a deeper connection and trust. And to be totally honest, nothing ruins the mood like rape.
Now, check out these super sexy ways to ask your partner for consent:
1. "Are you sure you're ready for this?
2. "Do you want to have sex?"
3. "How far do you want to go?"
4. "Do you have time for a quickie?"
5. "Can I go down on you?"
6. "Do you want to go back to my place and have sex?"
7. "Can I help you out of that?"
8. "Do you want me to help you unzip?"
9. "Do you want to make out?"
10. "Do you want to just cuddle?"
11. "How do you like that?"
12. "Are you alright?"
13. "Do you want me to keep going?"
14. "Do you want me to stop?"
15. "How do you want it?"
16. "Is it okay if I touch you down there?"
17. "Are you horny?"
18. "How does that feel?"
19. "Can I kiss those sweet lips?"
20. "Can you put on protection, first?"
21. "Do you want me to wear a condom?"
22. "Can I taste your sweet nectar?"
23. "Do you want to do it from the back?"
24. "Wanna try anal/reverse cowgirl/etc.?
25. "Can I be your first?"
26. "Wanna give it a go?"
27. "Would you like to...."
28. "Can I put it in my mouth?"
29. "Do you like that?"
30. "Are you okay? "
31. "Have you ever fantasized about...?"
32. "Does oral/anal/penetration, etc turn you on?"
33. "Is it okay if I touch you here?"
34. "Wanna have morning sex?"
35. "Can we try something new?"
Asking for consent is as easy as pie and it can be a part of your "dirty" talk. If your partner says no, maybe, or is unsure, then suggest waiting until they are ready. Pressuring someone for sex is not hot or romantic, it's rape. And let's be honest, if you have to convince someone for sex, you're doing it wrong.
There are many ways to accept your partner's "no" including, "okay", "no problem", or, "I respect that." Hey, you never know, peacefully accepting rejection could potentially increase your chances of getting laid in the future!
I am a firm believer in Gandhi's quote, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." If you wish to live in a world without sexual violence, lead by example and start asking for consent in your own sex life. Your partner(s) will catch on and will eventually start reflecting your own actions.
Now, don't waste any time and start using these sexy ways to ask for consent today!
Only if you want to, of course!
For more information about how to create a culture of consent, follow me on Instagram @ambertheactivist and @creatingconsentculture