Women of the world have literally had the world as they knew it turned on it's head in the last few months. You know what I'm talking about - Margaret Thatcher being hailed as the world's most important feminist ( she's actually quoted as describing them as 'poison' but whatever) and Queen Bee playing a total mind fuck with us all and naming her tour after her crack dealer hubby, then posing semi-clad, with slight mammary gland on show for GQ.
What the hell has happened Bee? Where's my number one independent lady at? You better return her safely because I grew up on a diet of your motivational bullshit - crying into my pillow every time I was successfully rejected by a member of the opposite sex. And while I don't actually own a house or a car, if I did, you can bet I fucking paid for it.
Side note : If you are so concerned about us earning our own dollar, why did you insist on trying to steal £100 from me to watch you lip-sync? Didn't have you down as a tea-leaf.
Beyonce performing the slut drop on Pankhurst's grave isn't the only punch to our wombs and purses though - after parting with £4.10 and my first born to purchase Vogue, just because Queen Bee was looking feisty and fierce on the cover, I hungrily read every word this goddess had to say to discover she doesn't call herself a feminist...because it's a powerful word.
GOOD! Let's scream the word , we have to join forces, stop tearing each other apart and stop being afraid to speak out about being pro equal rights. We are fed a daily diet of bullshit about how equal we are to our male counterparts, and of record rates of 17% of women holding a position of power on the FTSE 100, but 17% is a chronically low percentage to be boasting about.
I once heard a girl casually comment that she ' didn't give a fuck about feminism,' and was adamant 'it' didn't really matter anymore.
Wake up dick-chops - Unless you want to return to the middle ages and slowly suffocate in a dystopian Cath Kidson nightmare, understand this - 'it' is more important now than ever.
Or would you prefer to live in Saudi Arabia, where FYI women still don't have the vote?
If that doesn't tempt you, how about upping sticks and moving to Egypt where women battle the prospect of being labelled prozzies every time they leave the house to buy the milk?
And if that doesn't get your sexual prejudice juices going, what about being a victim of rape as a weapon of war? I hear the Congo is pretty down with that.
The Everyday Sexism Project has brought to our attention what we all knew already, that women can't leave the house without getting eye balled by some scabby rat with an XY chromosome.
And don't even get started on the No More Page 3 campaign - if someone at News International HQ could clearly articulate without mopping up their drool why it's cool to have a sweet sixteen pose innocently with her top off then I'm all for it! But so far the only defence I've heard is that it's a national institution - so is a roast dinner.
As I spent a delightful evening shovelling carbs down my gullet, Beyonce's deeply sinister announcement got me asking myself if I have ever been the victim of misogyny?
Then I remembered the time I was asked by a colleague old enough to be my granddad if I was a bit distracted that day because I had been pounded in the grubby toilets of some nightclub the night before, and yeah, I admit, it was mildly unprofessional of me to keep running to the bathroom every 10 minutes to throw up some beer bile, but even so, granddad needed to know his audience.
No one enjoys feeling intimated on their way to work just because society demands we shave our legs and suck dick, but what hope is there when a female icon like Beyonce who wants girls to run the world, takes the name Carter to make a tidy few million, and shys away from being labelled a feminist?
Actually a lot.
If we are to progress, we need to celebrate our unity, congratulate, compliment, support and admire one another.
Feminism means something different for everyone - Bee wants to buy her own diamonds and have TOTAL career control ( the power she wields terrifies me) - for others it means growing their pubic hair until it's long enough to plait into a sweet braid. Yet as long as we live in a world where 9/ 10 rapes go unreported, we will need platforms that allow discussion and we need to keep on giving a fuck because that's what equality really means, caring and looking out for each other, not fighting against each other and giving up in the face of adversity, because the battle isn't won , not quite yet.
And most importantly - not being afraid of the F word.