Why is nearly every song played by the smug, infantile DJ's of Radio One sexist? I thought this was 2013 - women have died for our right to vote, women can be CEOs, women now run entire countries... we also push newborns out of our tiny vaginas after lugging it around in our womb for nine months!
Respect is long overdue.
So why, every time I turn on the radio am I being musically assaulted by sexually aggressive songs about 'getting down in da club.'
To better illustrate my point I have complied together a few of my favourite sexist songs from the last few years, and from thorough research I can confidently state that Chris Brown is entirely to blame.
In at number three is 2011 hit by Eminem and Rhinna, Love the Way You Lie - the song that made domestic violence cool. Eminem is a man that talks with his fists, and the song documents the highs and lows of the relationship from hell. The equally abhorrent video sees Megan Fox and that hobbit from Lost beating the shit out of each other, crying, and then in a twisted turn of events setting Rihanna alight.
What nauseates me the most about this song is that Rihanna actually agreed to be part of a song that says 'yeah, you beat each other up, but you said sorry, and while you may live forever in misery, at least you're in it together.' Rihanna has been victim to a beating after Chris Brown repeatedly punched and bit her, leaving her unconscious in the back of his car. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if Eminem wasn't such a despicable bully who has made a career out of glamourising violence and being a first-class wanker. Who can forget the controversial lyrics to Kill You, which includes lines like, "slut, you think I won't choke no whore/ till the vocal chords in her throat don't work no more?" Either way the song is sickening and the fact that my eight year old cousin sings along every time it comes on the radio makes me want to deliver a fatal punch to Eminen's jugular.
An odd choice at number two - Rihanna. You can't help but worry about her can you? This softly-spoken girl from Barbados has been stretched and moulded so extensively I doubt she recognises herself when she looks in the mirror. Apart from having a limited vocal range, she is wildly overrated and I am still unable to understand her global success.
After a few listens of her 2011 album Talk That Talk - one thing is clear, Rihanna loves sex - she is gagging for it like an asthmatic in a smoking terrace. As non-feminist and judgemental as that sounds, with lyrics like, "give it to me like I need it, you know how you make me feel it", Rihanna is hardly donning the habit and declaring life-long celibacy.
The news that has rocked gossip magazines to their very core is that Rihanna has rekindled her relationship with everyone's favourite piece of human shit, Chris Brown. Their duet Ain't Nobody's Business, makes for uncomfortable listening, and while neither of them have to ask the world for permission to be together, what message does it send out to the millions of young girls who worship her?
Which leads to the crowning of my number one sexist, Chris Brown, who insists on fucking everyone off by being as crude and sexist as possible. In many ways I am in awe of Brown - how has this woman-beater been allowed to release a continuous stream of bile that is his music career?
His biggest turd in a puddle of diarrhoea is his collaboration with everyone's favourite pervert R. Kelly and unknown singer Tyrese - Pregnant.
I could write volumes introducing this atrocity of a song, but the lyrics really stand up on their own:
"You got what I need
make me bust
I want your body
Let me get it from the back
Girl I'm about to attack"
Two words Chris - 'SEXUALLY AGGRESSIVE!!!'
The three crooners are surely in line to win most rapey chorus of the year?
"Girl you make me wanna get your pregnant
(knock you up - pregnant - knock you up)"
I have listened to this song a lot in order to try and understand what Chris, R. Kelly and Tyrese are trying to tell me, but I think they are threatening an unprovoked and unprotected anal attack.
When you don't think three minutes of poorly written R'n'B could get any more offensive you're hit with this:
"She's more than a mistress
enough to handle my business
Now put that girl in my kitchen."
It's laughable that we consider ourselves forward thinking when it it comes to sexism and actually believe that it doesn't really exist anymore, but as long as the likes of Eminem and Chris Brown are allowed to clog our airwaves, 1950's attitudes to women will live on.