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Don't Make Tyson Fury a Free Speech Martyr

So don't worry about Tyson Fury. He's an unreconstructed moron whose opinions count for nothing. And if you think I'd say any of this to his face, you must be out of your mind.

You've got to feel sorry for Tyson Fury. Here is a man who spends most of his life asserting his masculinity, whether it's by showing off his muscles in the boxing ring, or declaring the inherent inferiority of women and homosexuals. But then, he has a lot to prove. It must be difficult being a straight man with a name that sounds like a gay porn star.

In a recent interview for the Mail on Sunday, Mr Fury proclaimed that Armageddon is upon us. "I believe the end is near," he intoned, like a muscular Mother Shipton. "There are only three things that need to be accomplished before the devil comes home: one of them is homosexuality being legal in countries, one of them is abortion and the other one's paedophilia. Who would have thought in the 50s and 60s that those first two would be legalised?"

Clearly, he sees himself as a kind of prophet. "That's my job," he claims, "to spread the word". Which is odd, because I thought his job was to strip half-naked and get punched by burly men. He's actually quite good at that, so he'd be advised not to branch out. After all, you don't see Russell Grant oiling himself up and pounding men in the face until they lose consciousness. A shame, really, because I'd definitely pay to see that.

Mr Fury also thinks of himself as something of an expert on gender politics. "A woman's best place is in the kitchen and on her back" he tells us. Presumably he means that it is a wife's duty to cook the family meals, although someone should explain to him that it's very difficult to prepare an omelette if you're lying on the floor.

The thing is, I've always been of the view that when heavyweight boxers start making prophecies about the end of the world the most appropriate response is laughter. Reporting him to the police for supposed "hate crimes" probably wasn't the best idea. It's just as well the investigations won't be taken any further. Gay people don't need the police to protect them from having their feelings hurt. I think most of us would rather not be patronised, thanks.

Nobody takes Fury's comments seriously. He's not a role model for children; children aren't that stupid. In any case, if your child if looking to a heavyweight boxer for moral instruction then perhaps parenthood isn't for you.

To be honest I hadn't even heard of Fury until this story broke. Competitive sports are a mystery to me, like crop circles, or David Gest. I've been known to dabble in backgammon, but it's difficult to break a sweat. So the question of whether Fury's nomination for Sports Personality of the Year should be withdrawn is of no interest to me. I think Patsy Stone probably said it best when she pointed out that "Sports Personality of the Year" is a contradiction in terms.

As Clive Myrie so eloquently put it, Fury is a dickhead. That's his "crime". He hasn't infringed on anyone else's rights, he hasn't harassed a particular individual, and he only ever attacks people if he's wearing spongy gloves. Fury doesn't need to be arrested. He needs to be challenged, mocked, or just ignored. If you run to the police when someone expresses an unpleasant opinion, you've just lost an argument you could so easily have won.

So don't worry about Tyson Fury. He's an unreconstructed moron whose opinions count for nothing. And if you think I'd say any of this to his face, you must be out of your mind.

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