29/11/2011 17:32 GMT | Updated 29/01/2012 05:12 GMT

Lipgoss: Anne Hathaway's Boring Law-Abiding Fiance

Wasting our life on pop culture blogs and gossip sites, so you don't have to

Huge congratulations to Anne Hathaway, whose rep has confirmed her engagement to longterm boyfriend (since 2008 = a lifetime in celebrity years) Adam Shulman, a jewellery designer. Check out the sparkler here, if you give a shit.

And commiserations to gossipmongers everywhere, because clean-cut Adam Shulman has no plans whatsoever to get a criminal record anytime soon. Bore-ing! The internet far preferred the old guy, Raffaello Follieri, who is currently serving a four-year prison stint for 14 counts of conspiracy, wire fraud and money laundering.

As you can imagine, the Hollywood press LOVED Follieri. He was a bona fide villain amongst pages and pages of fake ones, and we could hardly believe our luck. You see, villain-making is big business in Hollywood, because mag editors and gossip bloggers know that you can eke 10 times as many column inches out of a stormy marriage than a temperate one. There's a lot of sales to be made by turning everyday photos of a normal relationship and storyboarding it into a neat little "heroes and villains" plot.

Take, for example, the ubiquitous divorce of Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian. In the immediate aftermath, Kim was the villain, with news outlets reporting that Kris was "devastated" after being totally "blindsided" by his manipulative, cash-grabbing new bride.

But now, Kris has been crowned the villain, or - to use the standard terminology - the "husband from hell", accused mainly of saying she had a fat ass. Which he probably didn't.

See? You can even switch the hero/villain hats around, and nobody seems to care! They buy the mags anyway.

Just look look at Brad and Ange. In August, Now magazine ran the headline, "Angelina Jolie 'sick of fighting' with Brad Pitt about Jennifer Aniston," reporting, "Brad Pitt, who frankly should know better, spent last week trying to persuade Jennifer Aniston to hook up with him in London while she was in the capital with new man Justin Theroux."

Brad, you villainous doofus! Poor, exhausted heroine Ange. She just wants everyone to get along!

This week, by contrast, the cover of In Touch magazine is all about how kerr-azy Angelina is, whilst poor downtrodden Brad gazes on, doe-eyed and helpless, from the side-lines. "SHE CAN'T HIDE THE CRAZY!" shrieks a caring, sharing "insider".

With all this frantic faux-villain-making going on in Hollywood, you can imagine what a breath of fresh air Hathaway's beaux Follieri was, with his genuine criminal intent and mendacious nature. Square old Shulman might please the in-laws, but he's a serious disappointment to news hounds.

Nightmare On Memory Lane

Few stars are as protective of their image as Dita Von Teese. If an evil pixie robbed her of her retro schtick in the night, she'd just be a plain old stripper. Girl works HARD. Even in Heathrow Airport, as she was this week, Von Teese looks like an extra in Boardwalk Empire.

So she won't be please at all that this picture has turned up on the internet.

Harper Beckham Gets Her First Strut

There are some grainy, grubby pap shots which you know the slebs in question didn't intend for public consumption. And then there are shots like these, of Victoria Beckham catwalking LAX, showcasing Prada and newborn baby.