I appear to be on some sort of pro-romantic warpath. My forehead is creased with concern whenever I talk to younger women re; courting, dating, 'seeing people', shagging..
I am aware it is 2014, so why do I feel as though I should grab a penny whistle and blow it out my arse, whilst the two Ronnies' do us a timely jig?!
The new reality is shocking. Whilst sharing a scotch with a friend, I am told her sixteen year old daughter's school friend has complained that; it's 'really annoying' when the boys make the girls 'go down on them' all the time.
Now I'm definitely no prude, but.....
I grew up in the 90s, a time of 'asking people out', when More! Magazine was the basis of my sex education. This accompanied with an educational VHS from the early eighties, half the class having already touched a 'real' penis, the other half watching intently, and two girls already pregnant by the time we were 'sexually educated'.
In the holy sex grail that was, more! Magazine, you could find position of the week.
This was normally a ridiculous illustration of a woman having the BEST time, when the reality is some sort of handstand, a man standing over her, trying and failing to catch her ankles, resulting in the poor girl resembling the hot blond girl in the opening scene of Jaws.
I am failing to see what explanation he can provide when the U-bend in his penis causes him to urinate in his own eyes.
Whilst this was the amusing, completely fantastical and obviously humorous aspect of my sexual education, a much more worrying truth is emerging; FAST.
This generation of children are reliant on pornography as their sex education.
I remember hiding under my bed cover to watch Eurotrash; silent, on subtitles. Wobbly, colourful, naked Europeans adorning Viking helmets, bizarre nipple covers, dripping with heinz beans, jiggling around, diving in bowls of jelly. And of course Lolo Ferrari. Lolo RIP.
I don't feel I am pointing out anything new here, and a lot of parents will say; well if they want to watch porn they will.
BUT, as you may believe, it is not just your sons, your daughters are too. This is their sex education. Teaching them, inspiring them.
I would like to set this straight. I am NOT against pornography. I support any woman's or mans decision for themselves. Who am I to judge? Women should not be ashamed of enjoying sex.
My concern is mainly that, young boys now feel this is the way to TREAT young girls before sex, during sex, after sex.
Detachment is not uncommon, expectation of performance and ownership is. The performance of those involved is then open to discussion.
What happened to, intrigue? 'Romantic' dinners for two?
Which, lets be honest, its more about the fight against the unflattering light of a candle, picking wax off said candle, then attempting to walk sexily to the bathroom forgetting how much wine you have consumed.
I would like to mention my first date at 16 years old. I spat rice on my dates face, spilt a Bacardi Breezer down his crotch, and was ID'd and refused service in the local. Somehow we dated for a year.
Apparently the norm is now texting a girl you have never spoken to, who at 13 years old, is three years below you in school, saying 'are we shagging tonight or what?'
The thing that saddens me the most is IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT.
They have been raised in an increasingly porn accessible environment.
My parents had the liberating 60s, 70s, freedom to discover and self-expression. Then came the 80s and blurred lines of sexuality.
Next, the 90s.
Was everyone just too high to have sex? Did happy hardcore kill it and just result in crumpled heaps of people fondling each other, to then passing out half way?
Probably. Also I would like to point out the mullet made its entrance in the late 80s early 90s, this could have been some sort of visual contraception.
Yet, all these generations had something in common, a porn magazine was shared amongst friends, it was fun, exciting, nerve racking. Now accessibility is so extensive it's become the norm, and girls expect it, as they feel it is the norm too.