Crystal Lowery


Crystal Lowery is an American mum working in England. By day, she does medical research, by night she wrangles two toddlers, a boy and a girl. The only thing she loves more than laughing is a captive audience with a sense of humor. She has made millions laugh on Scarymommy, The Huffington Post, For Every Mom, In the Powder Room, Sammiches & Psych Meds, Mumsnet and others. You can find her blogging at and she'd love for you to follow her at

It's Okay To Break Up With A Needy Friend

The fact is, you have kids, and a husband, and a job, and a life of your own. You can't possibly please everyone in your circle, and if a needy friend is crossing the line, you have every right to dump her. After all, healthy friendships are based on give and take. When one party is all "take" and the other is all "give", the relationship is toxic.
30/06/2017 11:12 BST

Nine Things I Learned Facing My Father's Death

As we approach middle-age, many of us are losing our parents. Theoretically, we understand life is fragile-- for Pete's sake, every episode of <em>Grey's Anatomy </em>warns us of this -- and yet, when death becomes reality, we are often unprepared. We
08/03/2017 17:06 GMT

Working Motherhood: Expectation vs Reality

Working motherhood is relentless. It is always feeling as if you are failing either your company or your children. It is spreading yourself thin and picking your battles. In short, it is nothing like a 1980's sitcom would have us believe.
22/08/2016 16:30 BST

When Someone Else Helicopter-Parents Your Child

There we were, minutes into an enjoyable morning at a virtually empty indoor play place--the kids crossing net bridges, hoisting themselves onto foam pallets, and running around in gigantic hamster tubes--when an unfamiliar voice approached me.
22/07/2016 11:20 BST

Two Toddlers, Two Hours, And A Soft-Play Place

British friends, prepare to be shocked...Every fast food restaurant in America comes equipped with a complimentary indoor play structure with foam climbing pallets, tunnel slides, and ball pits. American friends, prepare to be shocked...In Britain, we pay 5 pounds a head for this luxury (dodgy English cuisine sold separately). It's known as a "soft play place."
19/07/2016 10:13 BST

The Six Children You Meet at the Splash Park

Most cities these days are equipped with something called a splash park. Splash parks are rubber-padded, open-air water fountains in which little kids can frolic on a hot summer's day
27/06/2016 12:50 BST

The Five Children You Meet at the Spash Park

Most cities these days are equipped with something called a splash park. Splash parks are rubber-padded, open-air water fountains in which little kids can frolic on a hot summer's day.
23/06/2016 12:36 BST

A Two-Year-Old's Travel Blog

The Loire Valley is known for its castles, so my mum paid 80 Euros in admission tickets to visit them. She said they were historical treasures. I don't know about all that, but I do know this pole outside of Chateau de Chambord was pretty freaking cool.
09/06/2016 11:35 BST

Picking Your Parenting Battles

Just like Luke Skywalker spared his father's life, thus declaring his allegiance to the Jedi Rebellion, in parenting you must pick your battles. Pardon the Star Wars reference, but my house has been overtaken by the George Lucas franchise thanks to my three-year-old.
16/05/2016 10:57 BST

A Portrait of an Immigrant

If we're going to have fair discussions about immigration reform, we need to bear in mind that many immigrants are hard-working, tax-abiding people. <em><strong>Immigrant</strong></em> should not be a dirty word.
15/04/2016 11:47 BST

How to Be a Foodie

Do you feel intimidated in the lunchroom when your pretentious foodie co-worker digs kimchi out of a bento box and frowns upon your sad ham sandwich and crisps? There is no need to be downcast.
06/04/2016 14:22 BST

Five Ways I'm Failing at Motherhood

When you are a parent with small children, you have to pick your battles. For instance, I can spend my two hours of kid-free time in the evening tidying the same toys every night, or I can keep my sanity. I choose sanity.
06/03/2016 18:38 GMT

On a Scale of One to Adele, How Much of a Stalker Are You?

With technology connecting us in so many ways these days, it is often difficult to determine how much contact with an ex is appropriate. This quiz will tell you if you've gone too far. Answer the following questions as if I am your ex-boyfriend.
19/02/2016 12:57 GMT

A Letter to a Toddler Mum From a Pre-School Mum

They say the grass really isn't greener on the other side - that each phase of parenthood is just as difficult as the last. That's simply not true. Toddlers are the worst! They are an emotional roller coaster, if that roller coaster were designed by a Steampunk Salvador Dali and operated by a 2010 Charlie Sheen.
15/02/2016 23:37 GMT

Seven Ways Potty Training is Like Childbirth

Teaching two toddlers to use the toilet has turned me into somewhat of a birthing coach, except rather than bringing new life into the world, I deliver old, digested porridge into the sewer system. Here are seven similarities I've noticed between potty training and <em>One Born Every Minute.</em>
02/02/2016 17:30 GMT

What Your Child's Favourite CBeebies Show Says About You

Family broadcasting is big business - there are lots of kid shows on air. As the gatekeepers of screen time, mums often play a role in which TV programs their children like. What your kids watch says a lot about you as a parent. For instance...
13/01/2016 16:58 GMT

Mr President, It Is My Right To Bear Arms

We can use Australia's gun reform as a cautionary tale. Australia tightened gun laws in 1996 and have since ushered in a new hell on earth. Kangaroos are just going round pillaging citizens and hopping off with human babies in their pouches.
07/01/2016 15:02 GMT

Seven Things We Need to Stop Saying to Working Mums

A wage gap between the sexes still exists, as does the stigma of motherhood in the workforce. If we're ever going to overcome these obstacles, we need to stop saying the following things to working mums.
03/12/2015 17:39 GMT