There is a strange perception that the more you reproduce, the more competent a parent you are - please humour me for a moment whilst I totally shatter that illusion
Hattie Harrison studied Psychology at the University of Reading before working with children with Special Educational Needs (SEN) and then training to be a primary school teacher. She became pregnant with her first child, Lola, whilst doing her Post Graduate Certificate of Education (PGCE) and subsequently developed a passionate dislike of acronyms (unrelated to pregnancy). She went on to have two more children, Frank and Olive, and started writing about the strange world of parenting in 2015 because it was cheaper than therapy and she has always harboured a compulsion to overshare. HATES – people who don’t indicate at roundabouts, anyone who talks whilst she’s reading and parents who judge other parents. LIKES – roast chicken, a friendly thumbs up from a bus driver and talking about herself in the third person on websites. FACT: No one has ever crossed the Harrison’s kitchen floor without getting a cheerio stuck to their sock.
Let me preempt the punchline of this piece by telling you that there are four people in this house who are addicted to dummies
15/01/2018 11:29 GMT
If you are not then have you been a victim of judgement? Have you ever had to defend your parenting choices? Have you ever been reduced to tears of frustration in your inability to articulate your hurt about the passive aggressive, loud enough to hear but not loud enough to address TUT from behind you in the supermarket?
27/10/2017 11:19 BST
So I hear you are expecting your third child. Welcome to the club. It's a pretty crappy club, there's no membership badge or assigned leader (Interested? You'd be a strong contender) but it is a club nonetheless. The club's not-so-secret password that you'll hear every time you leave the house from now until eternity is 'well, you've got your hands full haven't you?'
05/09/2017 08:59 BST
Sometimes us parents need to be cut some slack - a little time to shrug off some of that permanent upper backache and be given permission to sink back onto the sofa and relax. So voila! Here we are, permission granted, I give to you a comprehensive list of what to not bother doing with your kids. You're welcome.
04/07/2017 12:36 BST
The wheel that fell off first was directly under the handy side-basket. Designed, I believe, for your shopping, and not, as I use it, for your other children who are refusing to walk. Only a week ago my three year old was slung in there after a 10 minute walk turned into a 40 minute amble punctuated by whining about his legs hurting and the sun being too bright.
30/05/2017 11:37 BST
You are busy, responsible working people with full and exciting lives and serious jobs, and yet you come into my living room and make up dances with my 5 year old as if it is the most important performance in the world. If you're not in them then you've watched them. Countless times. You jigged my firstborn around for me. You jigged my second born around for me. You jig my baby around for me.
09/02/2017 11:59 GMT
This seems obvious right? but babies, toddlers and children are COMPLETELY different beings to one another. It's a bit annoying as just as you get the hang of the one hour rocking and blasting hoover noise into your babies face to get it to sleep then BAM here comes another baby with a morbid fear of hoovers.
13/01/2017 12:28 GMT
06/01/2017 14:29 GMT
<img alt="bmm banner.jpg" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/4815860/original.jpg" width="300" height="35" /> But what about the men? I mean, sure, there are established dad bloggers and networks but let's face it is not enough to reflect the fact that the times they are a - changing. Women are still more likely than men to be the main stay at home parent but with each year that goes by the smattering of dads at the school gates is increasing, and rightly so.
30/11/2016 08:06 GMT
Christmas is approaching and so the lists of things to do with kids in your local area are arriving into your awareness - and inbox - thick and fast. Here is my helpful list of things *not* to do at Christmas with the little ones. That's right- here is your permission to sink back into the sofa, unwrap another Quality Street and pour yourself another glass of wine.
29/11/2016 16:54 GMT
So, what should you say? Before you get mournful and buy an 'in loving memory' card for their fanny just have a word with yourself. Tell them they look great, they're doing really well and make them a brew, just the same as before they were a new mum really.
02/11/2016 13:16 GMT
Until you are pregnant you don't realise how many people contain a little bit of Hopkins inside them (metaphorically - not because she has rammed her wagging finger up them). I have named 3 children and have smiled and nodded through various opinions about our choices for their names - too old, too new, too different, too common, too-lisa, too-lulah...
03/10/2016 17:09 BST
Anyway - despite the fact that I regularly write a blog I have been reluctant to call myself a blogger as I feel a bit of a fraud somehow. If I was a real blogger shouldn't I have a proper camera, a monochrome house and some petals to decorate my meals with? Or at the very minimum half a clue how to update a plug-in... but anyway, I am a blogger.
26/09/2016 16:06 BST
So I guess everything I learnt post labour may not happen to you - but forewarned is forearmed right? So brace yourself lady, it can be less beaut than the films make it look is the take home message. That and never, ever Instagram your child's poo.
12/09/2016 16:59 BST
Next time you are dealing with a writhing antisocial baby remember, as is everything with babies, this is a phase and will end.
17/08/2016 11:52 BST
So we all know the overwhelming joy and love yadda yadda yadda that comes with having a baby but what about the other lesser talked about, but undeniable perks about owning a tiny person? We all know how parenting is a 24/7 job with no paid holiday or annual leave, but that doesn't mean to say there aren't some hidden benefits...
28/07/2016 14:47 BST
Stock your cupboards with chocolate digestives and never, ever utter the words 'my kids will eat anything' again. The mother of the fussy eater may be in earshot and jigging the Humpmeister under her armpit whilst trying to force feed him some cauliflower mash.
11/07/2016 14:50 BST
You and your pint sized pal have had a lovely morning (well, you know... it's all relative). You feed your little companion, it's all smiles and hair flicks and Pinterest activities and THEN it's naptime.
21/06/2016 17:40 BST
This is a VERY important post to remind you that if you haven't already started getting thinner/browner/sexier then it is time to START. The weather is getting warmer and your body must be PERFECT in order for you to expose any part of it. Exfoliate, moisturise and per-fect lady. It's time to get beach body ready.
10/06/2016 16:41 BST
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