Nick Abbot

LBC 97.3 talk show host, DJ and writer.

Currently, I am heard on LBC 97.3 in London and online on Friday and Saturday at 10pm.

I have three collections of columns on Amazon, the latest of which is here :
Whip Crack

Whip Crack Away

Hot news from the Dark Ages - a man who danced naked on his car was sentenced to...have a, go on, take a wild stab in dark. What should be the punishment for a man who took all his clothes off and D.I.S.C.O.'d on his car in the naughty naked nude? Small fine? Community service? I know, it is a difficult thing to answer...
14/10/2013 11:23 BST
It's That Bloomin' Man

It's That Bloomin' Man Again

A jolly time was had by all at the Ukip Party Conference. Who even knew that they had one? They should be glad of all the publicity they can get, but in the mind of Nigel Farage, the man who commands the spotlight, any deviation of attention is unwelcome. Godfrey Bloom was that deviation.
23/09/2013 11:12 BST
The Balloon's Going

The Balloon's Going Up

The frenzy that the press are describing of rising house prices will make this worse - panic buying is back. No one wants to miss out. The fear is that to fail to grasp the rope of the balloon as it sails upwards will leave you renting for ever.
17/09/2013 12:31 BST
The Penitent Have Taken Over The

The Penitent Have Taken Over The Asylum.

Archbishop Welby, the chap that, in his work costume, looks like a luminous yellow chess piece from space, has said that the church should apologise to gay people because of the way it has treated them. I expect he won't have to speak very loudly, or go very far to do so.
30/08/2013 11:18 BST
Thar He

Thar He Blows

As is often the case when a celebrity gets papped in the almost altogether, recriminations flew shortly afterwards. Downing Street let it be known that it was very cross. The press had an entire street that was upset with it.
27/08/2013 11:42 BST
What's A Gary

What's A Gary Worth?

Gary Lineker thinks that criticism of his £2million salary at the BBC is the downside to working there and that he could get more elsewhere. Yes, THAT Gary Lineker, the one that sits opposite the Scottish one on a show that would not miss him if he were gone.
22/08/2013 10:55 BST
The Criminals Are All

The Criminals Are All Inside

The government made much capital of the recent figures from the Office For Numbers We Just Made Up concerning crime in this country. They said that there isn't any. All crime has been solved, most criminals have rejoined society as responsible contributors to the public good, and every DJ and soap star is now firmly behind bars.
31/07/2013 15:13 BST
Unto the World a Delivery Is

Unto the World a Delivery Is Made

This was the week that the country finally went completely insane. I mean, babblingly, frothingly, totally berserk. This was the week of The Baby. For what seems like a lifetime, the press have been trying to whip up a frenzy about the perfectly ordinary occasion of a woman giving birth.
30/07/2013 13:17 BST
Reining in the

Reining in the Reprobates

They say that crime doesn't pay. I don't know who "they" are in this context but "they" probably couldn't find their face with both hands. Talk to the experts, the people who really know about crime, the ones on the front line, and story is different. If you ask actual criminals, they will tell you that it pays rather handsomely, thank you very much.
22/07/2013 11:59 BST
Beware the Thing in Your

Beware the Thing in Your Pocket

Mental arithmetic has gone the way of the typewriter - no one uses it any more. The reason is simple: electronic calculators. The person who works behind the counter has no need of mental arithmetic because the till does it for them. They don't need to add up and so they can't do it any more.
19/07/2013 12:35 BST
When Nature Attacks - A

When Nature Attacks - A Warning

At about this time of year, when we venture out in great numbers, some birds have been taking matters into their own hands and out of ours. Resorts report that seagull attacks have increased on the promenades for a few years now. Slowly, it appears, our winged foe are getting the upper hand.
12/07/2013 16:18 BST
How Much Is an MP Worth? How Much Have You

How Much Is an MP Worth? How Much Have You Got?

The idea that IPSA is floating, pushing out there, running up the pole to see which way the wind is blowing, is not just how much an MP should get for their duties, but also why they should get it. If you have not heard the argument yet, then you may wish to sit down and grip on to something firm.
08/07/2013 11:43 BST

Learning Lessons

Have you noticed how much those in power talk of learning lessons? The government, and Desperate Dave in particular, are forever boring on about lessons which must be learned. If a hospital in your neighbourhood is killing more people than cigarettes, someone will say that lessons must be learned, as though they are imparting some higher wisdom that would not have occurred to ordinary men and women.
01/07/2013 11:20 BST
How to Be

How to Be Happy

McDonald's named a meal after it, Americans are guaranteed the pursuit of it and all of humanity could do with some more of it - happiness. You could try religion, you could try yoga or you could try toffee covered crispy chocolate biscuit treats.
17/06/2013 13:54 BST
I've Got Good News and Bad

I've Got Good News and Bad News

The public do not care about your petty triumphs and little successes, they only become interested in your dull little life if something graphically horrible happens in it, preferably with pictures. That is what we are lead to believe by those that are dishing this stuff up.
13/06/2013 20:15 BST