On a scale of one to very, approximately how unstunned would you be if you learned that Honourable Members of Parliament were taking money to have their opinions swayed like a Fijian palm tree in the breeze?
Overwhelmingly, gay marriage is a old issue, by which I mean that old people make up the vast majority of those fulminating against it. The younger the demographic, the less bothered they are. It is quite hard to see what all the fuss is about if you are in your teens or twenties.
The route to electoral success Ukip used was to paint the picture of imaginary or exaggerated problems and depict themselves as the only party to fix them. The EU drains the country of £53m a day, said their manifesto. Throwing around huge figures without any context is a guaranteed way to rally the irate. The fact is that it is not £53m a day.
The real problem with any shareholder uprising against the undeserved meteoric rise in boardroom pay is that most shareholders couldn't care less what the people at the top pay themselves. Big institutional investors don't want to drive down executive rewards because they are also executives who want to get rewarded.
Iain Duncan Smith was riled to be "ambushed" on a radio programmed (not guilty) and challenged to survive on the £53 a week that a benefit claimant said he had to subsist on. It was not really an ambush as such - Iain's job is being a politician, and so talking to people who might not agree with his every utterance and who might have issues with his policies and the direction the government is taking is, sort of, his job and deliberately going on a radio programme to talk about benefit scroungers does rather leave one open to that sort of thing.
The mad old lady that runs North Korea has just started World War Three. Lil' Fat Kim has been chomping on the bit ever since he was ushered into power. Bits are something of a delicacy in those parts. Only the those in the higher echelons of power may help themselves to bits.
Our banks are as safe as houses. No, something stronger: our banks are as safe as...banks. Do not be afraid citizens of Britain, your cash is safe. That is the message from the banks and the government. Simply deposit your wages and your savings with us and we will treat your money with the good practice and deference for which the City of London is famous, they say.
The press are in a frightful tizz about their freedoms. They implore the public to come to their aid and save them from the ignominious fate of being tethered by rules and - what are they called? - standards. Yes, that's it: standards.
It will be a big week for the Drear Leader. It started at the Conservative Party's spring conference. This is a chance for the PM to give a speech that the news media will put at the top of their bulletins and on the front pages of their papers, unless something more important comes up, like the commencement of all-out thermonuclear war, or Justin Bieber gets a haircut.
The evil imperialist American dogs cut off North Korea's internet feed this week. Or it could have been someone at Kim Jong-un's place accidentally kicked the plug out of the wall that links them to their dial-up connection.
The thing about Milton Keynes is that it is not quite enough like Singapore. Literally no-one has thought this before. It is an entirely original sentence. You read it here first. It is, however, not my thought.
They blew it all because of some little lie to avoid speeding points that the law affects to find super colossally important. They face life imprisonment. I am not making that up. It won't come to that but it is an indication of how monumentally seriously the law takes itself.
Eastleigh is the place to settle if you can't stand the pace in Budleigh Salterton and Winchester seems like the future. Without the benefit of actually going there, I can tell you that it is as conservative as an antimacassar sales convention. You'd think that it would also be Conservative but that would be to underestimate the appeal of the Why-can't-things-be like-they-used-to-be Party.
I know times are hard, and there is a push to cut spending on all but the most vital of projects, but perhaps a new PR whiz would be a good investment for the coalition. Someone who could persuade them against snatching defeat from the jaws of success.
For the past four years, ever since that bus exploded in the Beijing stadium and Catweazle played a guitar while the world's most famous custodian of haircuts booted a ball who knows where, we as nation have been moaning about the Olympics.
28/07/2012 18:30 BST
SUBSCRIBE AND FOLLOW
Get top stories and blog posts emailed to me each day. Newsletters may offer personalized content or advertisements.