I went with my family to visit the grandparents during the Easter holidays. The weather was pretty poor so indoor activities like scoffing chocolate, watching TV and sleeping were the main pastimes. Suited me fine. One morning though, in a rare fit of energetic enthusiasm, we went swimming, at a nearby leisure centre.
20/04/2012 22:24 BST
Anyway you're familiar with the supermarket routine, I'm sure. All fairly normal and not particularly weird. Although, to an alien race that do their shopping by inhaling consumables through their bottom nostrils, that situation would of course be weird. But to me at that moment everything was fairly normal. Until she started to ask questions. "How are you today?" she asked, smiling.
23/03/2012 23:12 GMT
There was a time, obviously before the arrival of <em>Loaded</em> magazine, when I deliberately avoided behaving in a laddish or blokey way because it was trendier to be camp. I was a drama student in the early 1980s. Enough said.
09/03/2012 22:24 GMT
I've always found shoes a bit stressful. Buying them. Wearing them. Cleaning them. Finding a perfectly comfortable, hard wearing, stylish pair of shoes is a rare and wonderful thing. It's probably a hangover from my childhood.
02/03/2012 22:32 GMT
It's my son's birthday soon... Amongst other things*, he's asked for the <em>Harry Potter</em> DVD box set. It's his 11th birthday - the very age when Harry Potter discovers that he is a wizard. I hope my son turns out to be a wizard too then maybe I won't have to go shopping anymore. He can just wave a twiggy stick about shouting "DVDidius Box Settiosa" and it will appear. Job done.
17/02/2012 23:05 GMT
Appearing on children's TV meant I had to control my urge to swear if I wanted to keep my job. After so many years the habit's kind of stuck. In the <em>Shawshank Redemption</em> Morgan Freeman continues to ask permission to go to the toilet even when he's freed from prison. That's a bit like me. I ask permission. Then I go to the toilet and swear like a f**king trooper.
10/02/2012 23:40 GMT
In the late 80s or early 90s, I did an ambulance workers' benefit in London, with my comedy partner Simon Hickson. Paul Weller was on the same bill. He tapped me on the shoulder and asked "Where's the sound check?" I was speechless and just pointed. We didn't talk about the old times together, in Southampton, in 1979, when we wore the same shirt. But that was okay.
03/02/2012 21:55 GMT
I rarely go to church and when I do, it's fairly reluctantly, but when I was a child growing up in Southampton, my mum dragged me along most Sundays. Occasionally, if she asks, I still keep her company at her local church, near to where I live. These days I drag my own children along but it still makes me feel a bit like a kid too. Like last Sunday.
20/01/2012 22:40 GMT
Last week something happened to me on the train home from London. It was Friday the 13th. I wasn't attacked with a machete, by a bloke in a hockey mask called Jason, or anything. I was on the 16.42 from St. Pancras to Margate.
17/01/2012 22:19 GMT
Perfect isn't constant. For some unfortunate women the desire for 'perfect' breasts has had tragic results. Ruptured French implants, leaking industrial silicone around the body is far from perfect.
05/01/2012 22:24 GMT
It's the classic catchphrase uttered by "Private Frazer in<em> Dad's Army</em>. We've all repeated it, (admittedly with varying degrees of accent authenticity), and many of us can still hear the original echoing inside our heads, thanks to the genius of actor John Laurie and the continuous BBC repeats.
18/11/2011 23:10 GMT
The Old Town in Margate has been transformed and this year the Turner Contemporary opened featuring a breathtaking sculpture by Rodin - <em>The Kiss</em>. And funnily enough - it's much larger than you think. Two great big naked marble giants snogging. And today The Queen will visit and she will see them.
11/11/2011 12:17 GMT
The Moon is back! And it's bigger than ever. Not literally of course. It actually never went away and it's still exactly the same size (although I can't scientifically prove that). I'm talking in fashion terms of course and let me tell you, the Moon is going to be SO this millennium!
04/11/2011 23:36 GMT
