27/03/2015 11:25 GMT | Updated 27/05/2015 06:59 BST

The Real Truth About Combatting Period Pain

Every month, I sit in silence and suffer massive amounts of ridiculous period pain (well not in silence, I frequently complain and throw my head on my desk dramatically, rub my belly as though I'm pregnant and curl up in the foetal position on the sofa as I swallow paracetamol like clockwork every four hours.) What I'm trying to find out though, is what actually works. There's so much advice on the Internet on how to have a 'healthy period' whatever that means and lots of conflicting information on how to get rid of period pain so in order to get to the truth, I've waited until prime period pain time to deliver this lovely blog to you.



1) Paracetamol.

Yes. This works. Paracetamol and ibuprofen two hours apart from each other, sticking to the guidelines. Works a dream. So paracetamol, two hours later ibuprofen, two hours after that more paracetamol, you get the story...



2) Lemon water.

Complete crap. It's nice and probably healthy in the long run but did zero for bloating for me and didn't make me miraculously feel better. I choose vodka... And Chaka Khan.



3) Hot water bottle.

My favourite part, this definitely works. It's a must. It's like... A thousand kisses to your poor little womb. Gross metaphor.



4) Cutting out carbs.

No. I'm a food-needing perioder. Some women don't eat as much, some stay the same, some want to eat all the food in the world. I am, unfortunately for my already giant bum, the latter. I want all of the carbs.



5) Cutting out chocolate.




6) Exercise.

Well... LOL. Is this written by men, or? Because I'm just struggling to understand what woman would recommend exercise for period pain. Is that a sick joke? Let's just curl up, eat our chocolate and carbs and cry until it's over.