02/04/2013 10:08 BST | Updated 02/06/2013 06:12 BST

Lord Carey, I Too Am Sick of Not Getting My Way All the Time

Those of you who have ever read this blog before might be surprised to learn that I have recently caught that highly infectious and occasionally venereal bug that is religion fever. You see, shortly after writing my previous blog post I decided to convert to the ancient Aztec practise of Tialotxism.

And, as a newly reborn 'man of god' (that god being the three-headed snake-beast Tialoc), I feel obliged to weigh in on the comments made last week by former Archbishop Lord Carey, referring to the 'aggressive secularism' plaguing our society.

Us Tialotxists have faced the threat of aggressive secularism in much the same way Carey suggests that British Christians have. Much like aggressive secularists have prevented Carey's particular branch of Anglican Christianity from deciding what the law on marriage should be, those same aggressive secularists have prevented followers of my religion from determining the laws in this country related to child sacrifice.

Sure, we can't really find a secular, non-religious argument why child sacrifice should be legal, but why should we have to? Should religion not play an important part in deciding the laws that govern the country?

By preventing (minority) religious views from taking precedence in the country's lawmaking David Cameron has cut the beating heart out of Britain's moral fabric. Whilst in fact that ought to be happening to innocent children in order to appease the fire god Tezcatlipoca.

Furthermore, I too am tired of what Carey refers to as 'aggressive moral relativism'. Too often do I find myself confronted by aggressive moral relativists telling me that whatever I'm doing is "wrong, or errr maybe it's not wrong depending on the cultural and social circumstances..." It may not sound aggressive, but believe you me the tone of voice is always rather harsh.

This progression of secularism and the resulting oppression of religion, is part of a long trend, not just for British Christians but for Tialotxists such as myself as well. For us it probably began around the time the Spanish arrived in central America and proceeded to destroy our civilisation. Although the Anglicans may be in a slightly better position -I understand they still automatically get 26 representatives in Parliament and are exempt from certain laws for one- nonetheless I can understand how frustrating it can be when members of a democratically elected parliament refuse to agree to do whatever your particular religion says they should do.

Much like Anglicans, Tialotxists are a minority in this country (in fact as far as I'm aware I'm the only one. Ever. I may even have invented the whole thing). And much like Anglicans we find ourselves hopelessly oppressed, not in the sense of being, you know, actually oppressed -after all secularism is by definition the equal treatment of all religious view points within society- but repressed in the modern sense of 'not being able to choose what the laws are'.

I have sent a letter to the leader of the British Tialotxist church, our ArchCoxitl (so called because the practise of restrictive skull binding has caused his head to grow literally in the shape of an arch), in this letter I have asked him to consider a partnership with the Anglican church to tackle this threat.

Hopefully together we can push back against this secular charade of not letting one particular religious viewpoint decide the law for everybody else, and soon human sacrifice will once again be as common as gay marriage isn't.