20/11/2015 10:43 GMT | Updated 20/11/2016 05:12 GMT

Dear Bigot, Here's Everything You Have Wrong About Muslims (Part 1)

Dear Bigot.

I have a confession to make. I'm tired. Tired of rebutting the same old clichés and contradictions that you and your rabid CAPS LOCK brigade constantly spout every time something like the awful events in Paris last week occur.

So I've decided to do us both a favour and dispel a few of those repetitive falsehoods you're so fond of.

Lets start with an easy one.

"Islam is a death cult."

Wait a second. There are 1.5billion people trying to kill you?

Have. A fucking. Word with yourself.

Not only is this absurd but it's a little big-headed to believe you're even that significant.

Sure, a tiny proportion of Muslims have managed to pick and choose lines from their holy book (funnily enough they're the ones you concentrate on at the expense of all the others) to reinforce the actions of what could be described as a death cult but lets have some perspective...

Let's move onto another biggie.

"Not all Muslims are terrorists but all terrorists are Muslim."

Anders Brevik. Remember him?

Y'know, the white guy. The white Christian guy, The white Christian guy who slaughtered 77 people, mostly teenagers just 4 years ago.

His motive? Well, the 1,518 page manifesto he left behind mentioned, amongst other things, a desire to stem Muslim immigration into Europe.

Terrifying where that train of thought can end up, isn't it?

Also, perhaps you should read up on Babbar Khalsa, ETA, the International Sikh Youth Federation, Kach and Kachane Chai, the Kurdistan Workers Party, the Tamil Tigers, the National Liberation Army, FARC or Shining Path.

There are even Buddhist terrorists. And who do they kill? The Muslim Rohingyas, one of the most persecuted groups in the world.

And what if we dip a little way back into recent history? Remember the IRA?

Just because your frame of reference spans the time since you first started subconsciously projecting your own fears and insecurities onto the nearest easily marginalized group doesn't mean it has always been so.

It's a bit like saying Justin Bieber was big in the 50s.

Oh and then there's just the small point of who are most often the victims of terrorism (hint: it's Muslims).

"Islam is not a race therefore I am not a racist."

Actually, you're right. Islam is not a race. But when people are calling you out for being a disgustingly ill-informed and hate-filled mouthpiece for ignorance, even if they get the label wrong, you're still a disgustingly ill-informed and hate-filled mouthpiece for ignorance.

This is NOT a defence.

"Sharia law is taking over the UK."

A lot of British Muslims would like to see Sharia law in the UK. Not to replace the British legal system, but to supplement it. This may well be true but that doesn't mean that a lot of British Muslims want to bring back stoning, amputations and beheadings. There's far more to Sharia law than the extreme examples from Saudi Arabia or the Taliban that make headlines.

Sharia is also used to settle legal and family disputes. Think about it, if you had an issue with a neighbour, who would you rather go and see to help resolve it? Your friendly local religious leader or a stranger in a wig with a penchant for bashing his desk with a tiny hammer?

"No more mosques."

I have to hand it to you here, you have a point. If I went to Saudi Arabia with some bricks and mortar, a couple of pews and a festive collection of crucifixes I wouldn't get a particularly warm welcome. That's because Saudi Arabia is a repressive state that doesn't allow freedom of religious expression and a host of other things that are the complete antitheses of everything the UK stands for.

So you want to stop mosques being built? Ok, let's do it. Let's deny people the right to freedom of religious expression.

Let's - through the actions which you are advocating - become exactly like the very states which you so venomously abhor.

Yeah, that makes sense.

"Halal is animal cruelty."

The issue of "to stun or not to stun" is a tiny part of a complex global web of food supply that encompasses breeding, transportation and a host of other things that are hardly geared towards the comfort of the animals that are killed.

Your posts are illustrated by videos and pictures of ritual slaughter but have you seen inside the mechanical mass-slaughter houses that feed you? Cows aren't driven to the abattoir in a Luxi Uber and loaded onto conveyer belts while being massaged and serenaded by Lionel Richie.

And the fur trade? You won't start shouting about that until you see a woman in a mink hijab.

"By 2050 the UK will be a Muslim country."

Much of the fear around this statement stems from this article and others like it. Two points to make about it...

FACT 1) Extrapolating data from between 2004 and 2008 shows that the UK will be a majority Muslim population by 2050.

FACT 2) No self-respecting journalist or reporter extrapolates population data from such a narrow range to make predictions that far in the future.

If we did we could come up with all kinds of wild predictions. Between 1951 and 1961, the number of people in Britain born in the West Indies grew from 15,000 to 172,000, an increase of 1,146%. Extrapolating this data would have predicted that in just 30 years (not the 40 this article looked at) the number would be just under 26 million.

In England and Wales in 2000, there were officially no Jedis in the UK. By 2001 there were 390,127.

By 2002 the streets of Britain were teeming with 1.5 billion jedis.

Only there weren't.

Anyway, for a detailed breakdown of why this whole argument is false, have a look at Channel 4 Fact Check here.

And then never mention it again.

Yes there are problems. Immigration to the UK has created areas where integration is limited and added pressure on under-funded public services. And Anjem Choudry and his followers are on a par with Britain First in the premier league of twats. But there are a multitude of horrendous problems in the UK which affect us far more than the threat of a handful of extremists and can be squarely placed at the doors of banks, politicians or anyone else who genuinely wields power and control over us.

Stop blaming people who just want to live happy lives, in peace and who have absolutely no squabble with you.