06/03/2017 09:13 GMT | Updated 07/03/2018 05:12 GMT

I'm Back! A Little Explanation For My Relative Silence!


So you'll probably all have noticed that I haven't been around for a while; or perhaps you hadn't noticed but now I come to mention it... but I'm going to indulge myself and pretend that you had all most definitely noticed my absence, even if you hadn't missed my ramblings.

There's been a lot going on in my life, and in turn I felt that these things had largely killed off my writing mojo, meaning that whenever I even tried to put fingers to keyboard (since pen to paper doesn't really happen these days), I doubted that I was writing anything worth reading... and more to the point, that you guys would actually enjoy reading too.

So I'm going to give you an idea of what's been going on that stunted my writing abilities; although I'm not going to go into everything in detail, as I'd be writing for days, and you'd be reading for an equally long time too.

Over the last few years, I've obviously been through the breakup of my long term relationship (I wrote about that previously), which I guess is where my writing started to suffer; but then adding things like house moves, being messed around by people I've grown to care about who ended up letting me down, and a sexual assault that happened a couple of years ago have added to the 'problem'... and those things in themselves would usually suffice as an explanation.

However, I guess the thing that has affected my desire, and ability to write the most, is the unexpected, sudden and traumatic death of my mum; the most important person in my life.

My mum was a beautiful, amazing, caring, strong, inspiring and unintentionally hilarious woman, and I adored her with every part of my being... she was my everything; and so losing her at the relatively young age of 69 when she had not had any immediately life threatening illnesses, or diseases leading up to her death was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, and that's really saying something as I've been through a lot of horrific experiences in my life.

I've always found it enjoyable to write, and have always been able to inject humour and light-hearted, jokey comments in anything I produce... and so whilst I've been wondering what the point in most things is, I found it hard to muster up the fun and excitement to write about anything I'd usually write about on here.

That being said, I still have the passion, excitement and love for everything involved, which is why I'm sat here in bed, at 2.45am writing this. Inspiration struck, and I thought it would be a good way to find my mojo if I wrote about something I have massively felt in my heart, which is what allowed me to write my mum's eulogy whilst I was still reeling from losing her; her eulogy is the last thing I actually managed to write - and you can read that over on my site, in full.

I think writing from the heart like this feels easier as it doesn't really require me to find and inject the fun factor, or humour that I usually include, but didn't seem to be able to produce at any point of previous attempts to write. It's also allowed me the chance to explain where I've been, so it's a 2 birds 1 stone kinda thing for me. So, hopefully this is the start of my mojo, and inspiration returning.

P.S, I've changed. :-) Went blonde, got fillers and that. More about that very soon. X