24/10/2016 10:52 BST | Updated 22/10/2017 06:12 BST

Places Are Memories

This weekend we're heading off on our family holibobs and I'm just wondering how much I need to take with us, and whether Mr MBAW's car will actually accomodate everything.

We're headed to the Isle of Wight. A place that seems like a 'proper holiday' because of having to get on a ferry, but also a place close to my heart.

We used to holiday there when we were little and so there are lots of happy memories with my family, and although I've only been going for a few years as an adult with Mr MBAW, it's these holidays that mean more, due to the journey we've travelled.... and not just on the way to Lymington car ferry.

Two Easter's ago, we headed off in the midst of the dark clomid days. I seemed to be on those tablets for an eternity, as my inability to concieve was a complete mystery (and still is). I used to begin the pills on a Thursday and by Sunday was in a hormonal pit. That Easter we arrived on a Saturday, day 3 of that cycle. The heavens opened on the Sunday (always been impressed at how frequently the weather mirrors my emotional state) and Mr MBAW and I snuggled in our rental cottage eating plate after plate of hot buttered toast, whilst I wept intermittently. Not the most pleasant of memories but such a significant one.

Two summers ago, I boarded the ferry, with a 5 day old blastocyst freshly transferred into my uterus. It was the most pregnant I'd ever been and I was filled with (probably naive) hope and expectation. The embryo didn't transplant, and that round of IVF failed, but I'll never forget those feelings of excitement at the chance of a baby and will always remember that journey to the island with bittersweet fondness.

The next journey down south, on the 14th February 2015, wasn't significant because of St Valentine, but because the day before, we had seen the tiny 6 week old heartbeat of our baby girl. The week mainly entailed me lying on the sofa feeling sick or sitting on the bathroom floor being sick, but I remember so clearly, how I held my ipad, reading pregnancy corner over and over, imagining the growing life inside me and praying my body wouldn't let me down.

And a year later, we travelled back with a four month old baby M. We stayed in the same town as the previous year. It was cathartic to be there with her and put the stress and anxiety from the previous trips behind me.

So this time, it's all fun. It's all about making new, happy memories with Mr MBAW and not so little baby M. I can't wait. I can't wait to do all the things I have longed to do. We're going on the steam railway, to amazon world and to the needles pleasure park, and that's just the start. Well, that's if we can fit the kitchen sink in the car.... Anyone recommend a roof box?!!!

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