29/08/2014 08:31 BST | Updated 28/10/2014 05:59 GMT

The Emotional Landscape of Rushing

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Why do you do what you do when you know what you know? It is not a lack of education that leads you to polish off a packet of chocolate biscuits after dinner. No one reading this does that thinking they are going to feel fabulous afterwards. The reasons are biochemical or emotional or both. And it's the same with our perception that everything is urgent. When did it become something you would tolerate, that you are prepared to sacrifice your own health, and in some cases happiness, to rush around and get more tasks done, meeting everyone else's needs and rarely your own?

The emotional exploration of what I lovingly call Rushing Woman's Syndrome offers you the opportunity to literally get to the heart of your matter--to the heart of why you feel the need to run your life with urgency, why you have chosen, and I don't say that lightly, to do what you do and fill your days and nights the way you do. In all honesty, this is my favourite part of what I do because this is where behavioural change is sustained rather than temporary. This is the part that allows you to rest the part of you that is weary and awaken the part of you that is asleep. And optimal health on every level--physical, emotional, and spiritual--is then on offer to you.

Beliefs and Behaviours

Every human's greatest fear is that we are not enough and as a result that we won't be loved. We are born this way. It is human psychology 101. Without love a human baby dies. Other animals won't. So this is not some artificial construct that develops over time--it is hardwired into us at our most fundamental level, via our autonomic nervous system.

Yet as adults, a life jam-packed with love is delicious but not essential to our survival. When we live as if love is crucial to our survival, and we do anything and everything we can to avoid ever being rejected, we live our lives as if we are still a child. The trouble is most of us have no idea that this is what we are doing. We don't realise that the reason we went back to the fridge after a filling dinner last night was to avoid feeling rejected. We've blanketed that with a story that we simply feel like it, or we deserve it having worked so hard all day. But human behaviour is the outermost expression of our inner beliefs. It is that simple. Think about that: human behaviour is the outermost expression of our inner beliefs and yet most of us absorbed a set of beliefs before we were old enough to think for ourselves. And, unless we question these beliefs, they become the default lenses through which we view every situation we ever encounter.

Before our current era of urgency due to the immediacy of the ways many people expect themselves and others to function and communicate--via mobile phones that they are never without, emails that people expect a reply to within minutes, supermarkets that gather food items together, having every last thing you want in stock, immediate answers to questions via a Google search, social media posts requiring responses 24/7--our outermost expressions of not being enough, not being loved, and being rejected, played out in the way we ate, the way we spent money, and the way we spoke to the people around us (to name but a few). In fact, they still do.

Yet, in this age of Google speed, there is now another more obvious, more intense and, in my opinion, potentially even more damaging way that this belief is playing out--and that is with women living out the perception that they have to be all things to all people so that they will never, ever be rejected, even though they have no idea that is what they are doing. And to fit everything in, to do all they "have" to do so that they never, ever let anyone down and risk being "rejected," they have gone into overdrive. Otherwise, why would you do it, unless somewhere inside you, you perceived that your life depended on it? Seriously.

As I love to say, it's always about love. Everything always is.

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