26/09/2016 11:38 BST | Updated 26/09/2017 06:12 BST

The Trouble With Twins

Having twins is pretty cool. As a mum it's actually quite reassuring. I mean knowing that they have an instant best friend for life is something quite unique.

When they first started nursery they had one another. They didn't not know anyone as they had each other. They've recently started school and they're in the same class which offers me great peace of mind.


I have a pretty good understanding of the twin bond myself. You see I'm also a twin. My sister and I are pretty close. Even though we don't live close to one another, we talk on the phone most days and see each other regularly.

In the early days when they were babies it was tough. They were born early. R weighed 4lb3 and M was a teeny tiny, 2lb11. R had to be ventilated soon after being born and in total they spent 27 days in special care.

When we were finally able to bring them home, it was a pretty surreal feeling. Gone were the nurses and doctors. It was just us now. I remember sitting on the sofa in front of these two precious, tiny babies and thinking, 'now what?'


Somehow we muddled through the first year of night feeds, reflux and sleepless nights and here we are now. They're almost five years old and I think we've done a pretty good job!

However, there is one thing that bothers me. I'm assuming it probably bothers a lot of twin parents. Actually even those parents who don't have twins, but do have more than one child.

You see the trouble with twins is trying to dedicate a fair amount of time to each child. Yes, they're twins and that's wonderful, but they're also individuals. Quite often I think people tend to overlook this.

They look at them and think twins. One word to describe them both, when in fact, they couldn't be more different from one another. R is very independent. She knows her own mind. She loves football, spiderman, captain america and the colour blue.

M is a bit airy fairy! She's more than happy to be spoon fed, even at the grand age of four! She loves unicorns, ballet, barbie dolls and the colour pink.


With such different interests it can be a challenge to find activities that we can all do together. They also have very different attention spans! M gets bored quickly, whereas R will sit and complete a task to the very end.

I must admit that R can be quite dominating. We're all very close, but R likes me to do things for her and I often find myself spending more time with her as a result of this. I think M has just gotten used to this fact, but I want to change this. I need to find a happy medium. A good balance.

I want to be able to spend my time equally between them both. If I'm cuddling M, R will quickly come over for a cuddle too. Of course there's nothing wrong with that, but it won't be long before M wanders off and it's just me and R again.

I love our twins equally. That part is pretty easy. If only sharing my time with them was as easy! It's at moments like this that I wish my mum was still around. I'd love to be able to ask for her advice. I mean she's also a mum to twins so surely she too would have faced this exact same dilemma at some point or another.

I thought perhaps some one-on-one time, but then I'd always feel guilty that the other is left out! It seems I can't win!!

I don't know. What do you think? Do you have any tips on how to spend time equally with them?

This post first appeared on Twin Mummy and Daddy.