Often I hear things and it feels like I am in a totally different world to the youth of today. Last year I discussed what was a 'Basic B*tch' and was I one? I discovered I am. Which evidently isn't a good thing. This year? I am baffled by the phrase 'Netflix and Chill'. Now to me that sounds like pretty much every Friday evening with my other half. We are most certainly watching Netflix and we are most certainly 'chillin' (I think you drop the g if you are cool). But evidently? That means going round to somebody's house and having sex.
Which I for one thought was called a 'booty call'. Or is that a 90s thing? I can pretty much guarantee that if any knackered parent up and down the land is asking their other half to watch Netflix and chill on a Saturday night they mean any one of the following 1) let's sit in silence and watch a boxset we have been trying to complete for the past three months but we keep falling asleep 2) you watch whatever the hell you want as I plan to fall asleep 3) let's both watch something we know we aren't really going to watch as we both plan to fall asleep.
That's the best bit about Netflix! Or any other streaming channel/boxset/on demand, it means that you no longer feel a bit tragic staying in on a weekend to 'watch TV'. As you're not really watching TV are you? No... you are settling down with the other half, a takeaway and probably a gin to catch up on the latest, most trendy (mmmm is trendy still a word?), hot shows. Could be Orange Is The New Black. Or maybe even a brand new film on Sky Movies. You start all bright and bushy tailed at 9pm with the full intention of discussing it at work on Monday and then? You fall asleep. Again.
There is no sex. I doubt very much you are even sat on the same couch. One of you may be on your phone playing Candy Crush whilst the other is trying to instagram a Yankee Candle or summat. Someone will be in a dressing gown and both of you will have a bit of curry sauce down your pyjamas (you might try calling it 'lounge wear' to be stylish. They are pyjamas). Whispering "shall we change positions?" means popping upstairs and finishing off (the box set) in the bedroom. This subtle move means "shall we just fall asleep in bed?".
So can all us parents make an agreement. That the phrase 'Netflix and Chill' will forever and always just mean that. I don't want the rules to change. I enjoy munching on a prawn cracker whilst trying to convince the other half to watch Bridget Jones. I long for a free afternoon where I can gorge on a Crunchie and watch Sleepless in Seattle or an old Gossip Girl. Let's reclaim 'Netflix and Chill' and encourage to youth to go back to 'booty call'. I understood that. And lived quite safe in the knowledge I was never going to receive one. Unless it was a wrong number.